tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36289347606023676202024-03-13T21:29:08.515-07:00Psych DBTAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-50459822975219968702014-04-11T20:06:00.000-07:002014-04-11T23:31:23.611-07:00How DBT Helped in Labor (TW)<div class="MsoNormal">
This is a bit more of a personal post and has been an
ongoing struggle to write. Up until
this month I felt like as a therapist it was unprofessional to write such an intimate
blog post. A student at <a href="http://www.dbtpath.net/" target="_blank">DBT Path</a> is also
pregnant due in a few days and I felt like it would really helpful to share my
birth experience with her. The more I
thought about it, started to write then stopped the more I realized it is not
unprofessional to write a personal blog post, but rather professional and
sincere to share what might be a post that is helpful to others. Here we go- <b><u>My Birth Story and how DBT Skills Kept Me Sane <o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
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<b><u>TW- Although I do
not get into medical detail, this can be uncomfortable to read for some.<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
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Once I found out I was pregnant I was on what I called the “hippie
mom bandwagon.” I researched doulas in
my area and had narrowed down my birthing options to two; home water birth and
hospital water birth. After talking it
over with some “hippie mom,” friends I decided the latter provided some
reassurance just in case something happened I wouldn't need to travel in the
snow last minute in to the hospital.
Little by little my plan came together through talking to close friends,
discussing it with my Midwife, endless blog posts, scientific articles and of
course good ole’ Google. I was to have a
water birth as well as a four page birth plan I printed off a site that sold
organic baby products. I spent hours
preparing for this event; creating a You Tube playlist of both calming
mindfulness and upbeat songs for the big push.
I included You Tube videos of DBT skills I planned on using as I packed
my hospital bag of herbal medication, lavender and healthy snacks in a cooler.
I was prepared at 34 weeks with 6 weeks to spare. I spent the last few weeks on
a yoga ball, practicing breathing, taking evening primrose, drinking Red Leaf
Raspberry tea (with local honey of course!) and watching more You Tube videos
of natural birth than I thought possible.<o:p></o:p></div>
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At my 38 week appointment I had been suffering from an
ongoing headache and my blood pressure was elevated, they re-tested and it
remained high. I had some blood drawn to
test for preeclampsia and told to call back at 3 for results. It was unlikely, but I might be induced
soon. I went home and called back. That was New Year’s Eve and was told to
relax, lie on my side, deep breathe and take some Tylenol. The headache would not go away and I
continued to check my blood pressure at home and it remained very high. I called back the next day and told Labor
& Delivery at my hospital that my blood pressure had hit 174/129 and was
told to come in for an induction. I was immediately
admitted and told I was suddenly “very high risk,” and might have a seizure at
any moment. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My dreams of a water birth surrounded by the scent of lavender
and mindfulness exercises was thwarted when I was put in some heavy duty blood
pressure medication and told I was not able to leave the bed, eat or drink
until I gave birth and 24 hours after that to continue to prevent
seizures. I took their medical advice (I
did try talking them out of how serious it was to not avail) and began a hefty
regime of medication. The cure for preeclampsia
is delivery and the OBGYN (buh-bye Midwife) was trying to get my son out
ASAP. The next few hours were a blur or
ongoing medical check-ins, a one-on-one nurse, hunger and medication that made
me sick to my stomach. I was admitted at
around noon and that night was being told I was not allowed the “hippie haven,”
I created. I panicked and kept thinking
suddenly things would be different and I would wake up in the birthing pool to
deep breaths and the smell of fresh baby.
<o:p></o:p><br />
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At 10pm that night I had a breakdown- I felt hopeless and skill
less. I had not planned for this and had
no clue what to do. I felt like I was losing my sense of control by going along
with the process of medical intervention.
My husband slept in the couch next to me in the dark, fresh off of his
dinner of a soda and a Snickers bar while I sat and waited and mourned. I cried, a lot and asked him to hand me the iPad. I had not updated anyone on what was
happening and was unable to see straight because of the meds. The first thing I did was play my business partner, Debbie Corso’s <b>Conveyor Belt</b> exercise <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lPrRdaH5XQ">video</a><span style="color: red;"> </span>knowing I needed to begin separating the
racetrack of thoughts coming my way. I
shut my eyes and listened, creating buckets including “medical concerns,” “worst
case scenarios” and the biggest bucket of them all “the unknown.” I listed to that
video twice. From that I was able to
notice that my major fear was the unknown ahead of me and was able to use the <b>Function of The Emotion</b> and identify it
as survival and work on <b>Fact Finding</b>-
noting I was safe and being well cared for.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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I then decided I needed to <b>Radically Accept</b> the situation- it was beyond my control and the
more I tried to fight it or continued to hope that I would wake up in a lavender
tub it was not happening. I cried some
more, mourning this lose. The OBGYN came
in to check on me and asked what I wanted to keep in my birth plan- I was
shocked. My black or white thinking lead
me to believe I had to give it all up. I
noticed using <b>Wise Mind </b>that I was
thinking and acting very emotionally and not being skillful. I re-drafted my 3 page plan into three important
bullet points including having immediate skin to skin contact with my son. This made me feel more in control of the
situation even if I had not moved from the bed in 12 hours. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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I also noticed I was being less than kind to the nursing and
other medical staff, partly due to side effects from the medication and a larger part was me being <b>willful </b>and grumpy. The nurses had done nothing wrong and since I
had one-to-one care they were actually being very kind and gentle. When the nurse returned that morning I used <b>GIVE </b>to ask if I could have some ice
since I was so parched and not allowed even water. She checked with the doctor and I received two
cups of joy. With staff I also utilized <b>Opposite Action </b>and remembered to be
kind to others even if I was not feeling well. I knew I had a long day ahead of me since I
was assured I would probably deliver my son next day and knowing I was unable
to focus for very long on the iPad screen I googled <b>mindfulness </b>music and listened with my eyes closed until I fell
asleep. I utilized <b>PLEASE </b>skills as best I could and was able to get a few hours of
sleep. I also utilized <b>Building Positive Experiences </b>by trying
my hardest to notice the positives; I was healthy and being well cared for, the
staff was friendly and knowledgeable and most of all I was going to meet my son
soon. <o:p></o:p></div>
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For the next few hours I focused on Mindfulness and Distress
Tolerance skills. I <b>self-soothed</b> by holding the lavender in my hands and breathing it
in as well as listening to some of my favorite songs. I used the ice in the cup to remain focused,
I utilized <b>Mindfulness What skills </b>to
observe, describe and participate by releasing the pain with my breathes. I utilized<b> IMPROVE</b> and took a vacation thinking of the summer’s I spent with
my family as a child while it was snowing 6” outside, as well as encouragement by
telling myself I can do this. I utilized
<b>DEAR MAN</b> with my husband by telling
him to encourage me and even though he is squeamish he was able to help me
cheerlead and validate my feelings. I
utilized <b>Half Smile</b> with staff in
order to be in a place where I could get my needs meet and be kind to
others. Using <b>Ride
the Wave</b> allowed me to handle the physical pain a bit better as well as
some of the sudden changed in my treatment that had to be made for the safety
of myself and my son. Lastly I <b>focused on an object </b>in the final
moments of labor, which the nurse initiated by telling me to look at her while
I pushed.<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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At 10:17am my son, Javier was born to a set of parents who
were able to make the best out of a less than pleasant experience.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizUsMhLEX-Yq3IqPb9diY-J0x-Snsd8vrpHJ7i2AVxYYzvOWJS8hzY7LXcV6NGUmsrTzJfLXJ7XA1xFnB4BQ-OCiuh5XzpEN_r8Bc24ahpoYuMmZxrCXoPpEEh9RKw3zEZTD8tD2jU1RA/s1600/2014-01-12+13.27.58.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizUsMhLEX-Yq3IqPb9diY-J0x-Snsd8vrpHJ7i2AVxYYzvOWJS8hzY7LXcV6NGUmsrTzJfLXJ7XA1xFnB4BQ-OCiuh5XzpEN_r8Bc24ahpoYuMmZxrCXoPpEEh9RKw3zEZTD8tD2jU1RA/s1600/2014-01-12+13.27.58.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-35545537841122176612014-02-21T13:45:00.001-08:002014-02-21T21:35:35.916-08:00How to Find a (Good) DBT Therapist<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">One of the most common e-mails I receive
at <a href="http://www.dbtpath.com/">DBT Path</a> is asking for a referral for DBT counselors in their
areas. It can find like a needle in a
haystack to even find a DBT counselor let alone one you connect with. Don’t fret there are options out there and
some don’t involve leaving the house.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">1. <a href="http://behavioraltech.org/resources/crd.cfm"><b>Behavioral Tech</b></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">The
Good:</span></u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;"> This list is of those formally trained though
Behavioral Tech.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">The
Bad:</span></u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;"> Many DBT Therapists are not trained
through Behavioral Tech (myself included) and it includes mostly DBT Clinics
over individual counselors.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">2. <b>Google</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">The
Good:</span></u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;"> It’s simple
and it might bring up therapists who willing to do sliding scale or starting a
practice than those who pay to be on search sites.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .25in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">The
Bad:</span></u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;"> It’s google, so anything with “DBT+
Phoenix” will come up, including a band called Drive By Truckers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">3. <a href="http://www.goodtherapy.org/"><b>Good Therapy</b></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">The
Good:</span></u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;"> Easy to use
search engine just for therapists. You can
search for DBT-specific therapists and see short bios and pictures.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">The
Bad:</span></u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;"> Same as with other search engines
for therapists, they pay for the advertisements so small practices might not
advertise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">4. <a href="http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php"><b>Psychology Today</b></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .25in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">The
Good:</span></u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;"> This is the
top site for searching- more listings and more detail in profiles.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .25in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">The
Bad:</span></u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">
Same as good therapy regarding therapists paying for their listing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">5. <b> <a href="http://www.liveperson.com/professional-counseling/">Live Person</a></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">The
Good</span></u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">: It’s online, via e-mail or make a
phone appointment so stay in your PJs also some therapists profiles say “live
now,” which means if you want to talk to someone at 3am they might be someone
there (it’s not crisis counseling.)
Therapists do not pay to be listed and they have reviews.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">The
Bad:</span></u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;"> Many people like face-to-face
therapy and the prices are a bit steep if you are looking for ongoing
help. There are also less than 10 DBT
Therapists listed right now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">6. <b>Look for a non-DBT Therapist</b>. : <i>I know
this seems weird, but hear me out on this.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"> <u>The Good:</u></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">
Many counselors who are not DBT Therapists are still great counselors. If you are looking for help with trauma and
sharing diary card/homework accountability, a non-DBT Counselor might be a
great fit. Yes, you won’t talk DBT the
whole time, but you might get great non-DBT coping skills. This opens up the number of local Mental Health
Professionals exponentially.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"> <u>The Bad:</u></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;"> It’s not DBT-oriented.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">So
now you have some names and numbers of DBT Therapists so where to start? There are many articles on how to find a “good”
therapist. This <a href="http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-find-a-therapist/">site</a> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15.333333015441895px;">has a great list of what to ask </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">so I am going to focus on </span><b style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">what to ask a “DBT
Therapist.” </b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">I
put “DBT Therapist” in quotes for a reason.
There are many great therapists that have some training on DBT and list
DBT in their profiles, but then don’t have much knowledge of it. Many of the search sites have check boxes and
I think many therapists get “click happy.”
I am not saying these are not great therapists, but if you are looking
to talk DBT, review diary cards and talk skills these counselors might not be a
good fit. Here’s a list of what to as a “DBT
Therapist to ensure they are DBT Counselors:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .75in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">Give
them a ring, not an e-mail. Sounds
sneaky but try to catch them a bit off guard so their answers are not prepared
even if they end up calling you back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .75in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">Take
the free meet-and-greet. If you are
searching someone in person, most offer an initial consultation on person or on
the phone- take them up on it and be prepared with questions. Consider this a job interview and you are the
boss!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .75in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">What
training do you have specific to DBT?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .75in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">How
many clients who have (your diagnosis or primary issue) have you used DBT
skills with?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .75in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">Have
you ever facilitated a DBT group?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .75in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">Are
you familiar with DBT Diary Cards?
Emotion Regulation 1a worksheets?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .75in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">How
familiar are you with specific skill? Heck
name a few major skills (i.e. Wise Mind and Opposite Action) and see if they
can keep up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">You
are the consumer and deserve the best- be assertive!</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">
Ask for exactly what you want to work on. If you are struggling with relationship
issues and past trauma issue start the conversation with, “I am working on
relationship issues and handling past trauma that is interfering with my life. I am looking for more accountability and
skill building one-on-one. I have found
wise mind, radical acceptance and mindfulness most effective and could use more
depth in my learning of these skills.” A
good therapist who </span><span style="line-height: 15.333333015441895px;">isn't</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> well versed in DBT will re-direct you to someone else.<span style="font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">No
matter which way you go, if you need help be EFFECTIVE and find it!<span style="font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-39414308660541758572013-09-22T09:36:00.000-07:002013-09-22T09:36:00.828-07:00Family and Loved Ones with Emotional Regulation Issue Seminar<div style="text-align: center;">
A week from today Sunday <b>9/29 from 4-5:30PST </b>Debbie Corso from Healing from BPD, myself and guest Dr. Perry Hoffman from NEA BPD (National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder) will be facilitating an global seminar for family and loved ones of those with Emotional Regulation Issues. We will be talking about how loved ones can help, what resources are available to both clients and their families and have an open Q&A session. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>There are 2 days left to get the discounted price.</b></div>
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If you have any questions e-mail dbtpath@gmail.com</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-19041328494451264652013-04-05T14:03:00.000-07:002013-04-05T14:03:08.612-07:00Ask Any DBT or BPD Questions This Weekend!Hi All,<br />
<br />
Quick note. This weekend I will do a Q&A on twitter. Feel free to ask me any questions about DBT or BPD. Tweet them @apazma, DM me to be anonymous, e-mail or leave them in the comments below. I will re-post all questions (minus names) here after I am done.<br />
<br />
Great way to get some professional information!<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-73065608711594314552013-03-21T18:08:00.004-07:002013-03-22T17:00:13.395-07:00My Job: Dual Diagnosis Counselor at a Womens' PrisonToday's post is a little off topic, but today was the inmates graduation and being the emcee I posted about my nerves on Facebook and told my friends with an interesting response. I have been working there for 8 months and it always seems to be an interesting topic to talk about with friends, family even strangers. The reactions are mixed, but people have the same few questions so here goes. If I seem vague it's because well it's a prison and although some information is open, certain some things are not.<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>My job is Dual Diagnosis therapist, although not all my clients are what the program considers DD. To them DD is MH medication+therapist+diagnosis of MH & Addiction. The medication they can receive is not the same medication they often have Rx with their regular MH doctor.</li>
<li>The programs main focus is substance abuse and they attend 16+ hours of group a week including cognitive skills, seeking safety, and process. They learn a lot of skills for their recovery and must attend 2-12 step meetings a week. </li>
<li>We have a wait list of over one year most times, some of them are parole-board recommended- which translates that they need to complete the program. </li>
<li>The program is 6 months long. There are reviews of their progress every 30 days- it's very time consuming.</li>
<li>My caseload is about 20 people, although not all people graduate due to various reasons most are due to lying, manipulating and confidentiality.</li>
<li>The "program" is all housed together- the rooms hold from 2-6 people, most are "2-man cells."</li>
<li>We utilize a peer-support program which includes 10 "lifers," all which are murderers some of which have been incarcerated for 25 years.</li>
<li>We are contracted by the state.</li>
<li>A vast majority of these women have been the victim of horrific abuse as a child (often sexual,) abusive relationships, raped, started using substances around age 13 and have or in the process of losing their kids permanently. Most would meet the criteria for PTSD.</li>
</ul>
<div>
Now to the questions people have most often:</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><b>I always feel safe</b>- the rare time I don't is when I am with general population and someone s cursing or yelling at someone else. There are physical fights- but rarely . There has been 1 in the 8 months I have been there, and I don't think there was more than one prior.</li>
<li>The "lifers" and inmates in general are <b>not scary or mean.</b> Part of it is because they in some way need the program to parole or stay out of another more-strict.more dangerous unit (or they have an extra 2 years+ typically.)</li>
<li><b>Some do recovery</b>- this is probably the #1 question. Some come back. We don't know statistics on how many, but I would assume half of them relapse on substances with in first 2-3 years. If they relapse they often go to a different program, rather than repeating this one although we have had a few come back 5 years later.</li>
<li><b>Half of my co-workers are in recovery,</b> my boss has 33 years and my co-worker has 13 years clean! We had a counselor pass this year and she has 13 as well, she died due to complications from her Hep C she contracted at age 17 using heroin.</li>
<li><b>It's very, very stressful</b>- these women have been through so much and get "caught up" in what we call "prison bullshit," relationships, manipulation and lying to staff. A lot of my time is spend in crisis mode, especially in the beginning of the 6 months. </li>
<li><b>I cry</b>, I try not to and most of the time I am fine. They write an autobiography about halfway through and share it with the group- it's all triggering. Some stories don't affect me so much and then there are a few that keep me up at night, make me cry or change the way I look at the inmate. These women have such strength and perseverance and their stories are so tragic. </li>
<li><b>We can't hug! </b> Nope, no touching on shoulder, no embracing at all. This is a strict rule and could lead to termination. It is difficult and un-natural at times, especially when someone comes to be on-on-one and tells me their child died in the streets selling dope or there mom has terminal cancer. Life goes on while they are in jail and they often feel and are powerless.I am called by my last name only</li>
<li><b>Yes, they eat crap.</b> Carb and calorie heavy food is the norm around here. They are allowed to work out at times and watch videos during the day. There really isn't healthy options and most gain weight while incarcerated. Food is a commodity and is traded like cash.</li>
<li><b>There are drugs in the prison. </b>Seems strange, but like all institutions there are drugs. Most often it's Rx drugs that another inmate "cheeks" and sells, but there is also narcotics.</li>
<li><b>3" toothbrushes</b>, and other strange things (to me) are used as if it's normal. They are allowed to purchase (or someone purchases it for them) certain products these mostly include non-name brand lotions and such. They are not allowed make-up (they use paint,) nail polish, headbands, etc. Many still have them though. A "full size" toothbrush that is easily 15 years old can go for $25.</li>
</ul>
<div>
That's all I can think of off-hand, I am open to answering any questions as I often think people think I work in one of those "reality" TV shows that fill prime-time TV now. Here's a secret- the inmates in one of those shows is told to yell obscenities and appear aggressive for the cameras...I know I have 3 people in my group that were on it!</div>
</div>
<br />
**Trigger Warning: There is a movie Sin By Silence <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naGlCwdvVx8" target="_blank">(trailer here)</a> which is a documentary about abused women who kill their husbands. It's very sad, and triggering but very empowering as they work to change California laws and get out**<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-53399313321546352602013-01-17T14:04:00.001-08:002013-01-17T14:07:56.224-08:00Profiles of Borderline Personality Disorder: Tess Smith<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><u>Misdiagnosis and
Invalidating Environment</u></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://twitter.com/TessSmith2U" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Tess Smith</span></a> was diagnosed with Borderline
Personality Disorder in 2006 after 16 years of treatment for dysthymia, anxiety,
and obsessive compulsive disorder. A misdiagnosis that resulted
from her lack of trust in adults as a child, and miscommunication with
therapists as an adult. "In<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: small;"> 2006 my primary
diagnosis was BPD in addition to depression, anxiety and OCD. I started seeing
a therapist when I was 14, it took many years for them do diagnose me
correctly because I didn't <a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3628934760602367620" name="_GoBack"></a>trust anyone enough
to admit I was a cutter. G</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: small;">rowing up mental
illness was not anything we talked about in my family. When I was first
diagnosed (with depression, anxiety, and OCD) my mother </span>didn't<span style="font-size: small;"> want to discuss
it or even look into it. She told me I was “in control of my feelings” and I “just
needed to get better”, </span></span><span style="font-size: small;">so for many years it was a dark secret.
I hid it from everyone, I didn't talk about it, and I sure didn't look for
others like me. There’s a lot of shame in a mental illness diagnosis."
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">Tess's
secret kept her sick and her </span><span style="color: #222222;">environment</span><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: small;"> growing up was very invalidating, "</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: small;">my father died when I was 12, he was sick for years so
growing up I </span>wasn't<span style="font-size: small;"> close to any adults. We </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;">weren't</span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: small;"> able to ever express how we were feeling, it was always
very important to look perfect. There were several situations in which I felt I
had been lied to and my trust betrayed. I never felt like I could trust my mom,
and her reaction to my initial mental illness diagnosis made it clear she </span>wasn't<span style="font-size: small;"> going to be very supportive.” Tess's secret mental health issues
continued </span></span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;">throughout</span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;"> her teen and early adult years,</span><span style="color: #222222;"> " In
my teens I never felt like I could talk to anyone about what I was doing
without them telling my mother... and when I became an adult, no one ever came
out and asked me if I was a self injurer." It has taken Tess a long time to get to where
she is today, “22 years of off and on therapy and </span><span style="color: #222222;">prescriptions</span><span style="color: #222222;"> for Prozac,
Wellbutrin, Remerol, Ambien, Xanax, Clonazepam, and Trazadone."</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><u><span style="color: #222222;">BPD and Stigma</span></u></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">In 2006
Tess found little </span><span style="color: #222222;">information</span><span style="color: #222222;"> about
her diagnosis online, "I ha<span style="background: white;">d never heard of
it... and when I found out what little there was out in the mainstream media about
it - it </span></span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;">wasn't</span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;"> easy to wrap my head around.</span><span style="color: #222222;"> <span style="background: white;"> </span> <span style="background: white;">T</span>he
movie everyone knows is Fatal Attraction... no one wants to be that crazy
chick... and accepting the diagnosis is one of the hardest things - but the
first step I think in getting better." </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><u><span style="color: #222222;">Treatment & Hope</span></u></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: small;">When she was diagnosed
in 2006, she was referred to Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.
Unfortunately, the first class was full, then there </span>weren't<span style="font-size: small;"> any that met
her work schedule, and then she lost her insurance coverage. When she
again had coverage to attend DBT c</span></span><span style="color: #222222;">lasses, she couldn't get
time off of work to go. At that point Tess took her treatment into her own
hands, "I<span style="background: white;"> did my own research and
thank gods for the internet in 2011 because it gave me access to self help and
the DBT tools I needed to at least get going. This is a long term thing… something
I will have to manage for the rest of my life. Has it improved? YES! Simple
skills I was able to find online have helped me when interacting with everyone
and in almost every situation. My personal relationships have improved and are
more stable and I find myself willing to put a little more of myself out there,
in order to improve life. I do continue to take Prozac to alleviate the
symptoms of anxiety and depression, but use DBT skills to manage my Borderline
Personality Disorder."</span></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><u><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;">Relationships</span></u></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">Along
with Tess's new coping skills, she is also developing friendships, "I<span style="background: white;">'m very careful with whom I let get close... I've
surrounded myself now with a handful of friends who I depend on.</span><b> </b> I'm
better with some distance though... I don't talk on the phone or hang out - I
text, IM online... I don't go out. I am more comfortable when I can
control my environment and who I am with. I<span style="background: white;"> don't
seem to have conventional relationships...I've been married 4 times, and the
longest relationship I've ever had is with my cat."</span></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><u><span style="color: #222222;">Ongoing Struggles</span></u></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">For
Tess the hardest part of her BPD diagnosis is the emotional dysregulation,
"my rapid and intense mood swings. I go from loving the ground you walk on
to 'I can’t stand the sound of you breathing' in 2 seconds flat. It’s
hard for me to pin-point what I'm feeling, and then I have to figure out why
I'm feeling it... every swing is an internal </span><span style="color: #222222;">dialogue</span><span style="color: #222222;">. It’s hard to just
'be'… it seems like I’m always trying to figure out what I’m feeling and if it’s
appropriate. I feel tired a lot." </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><u><span style="color: #222222;">Successes</span></u></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">For
Tess getting the right diagnosis made a big difference, "it helped because
I finally knew what I needed to do. My life was always on reset about every 4
years; a new address, new husband, and a new job. I didn't feel like I could be
anywhere for very long without destroying everything. I had a stressful
job, the </span><span style="color: #222222;">diagnosis</span><span style="color: #222222;"> made
me realize that maybe I liked what I was doing but not the position I was in, because
it was just too demanding. I’m not built for that kind of long term exposure to
stress. I now have a career in the same type of industry, but my day to
day is very different. My interpersonal skills have improved, and I'm able to
communicate what it is I want - instead of just being upset about not getting
what I need. This whole time it’s been like being lost... and then getting a
GPS.”</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">What
would Tess like those without Borderline Personality Disorder to understand
about those who do have it? "I’d like them to know that we don't mean to
be cruel. It’s a protective mechanism that's a knee jerk reaction - we don't
aim to hurt you. We can seem distant or self-absorbed… if you get burned
you pull away and it looks/seems like were lashing out. I think
the main underlying issue of BPD is that we grew up in an environment we didn't
feel safe in, and no one ever taught us coping skills - so we made our
own."</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">"</span></b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: small;">I used
to think having a mental illness made me weak... I felt emotions more than
other people and it made me different. </span>I've<span style="font-size: small;"> learned now to look at it as a
source of strength, my perspective has changed. With tools, friends, and
willpower - I am strong enough to get better."</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-59048701006588269082013-01-15T20:45:00.000-08:002013-01-16T08:38:22.747-08:00Why I needed a Twitter-cationAfter being away from Twitter, other social media and MIA from e-mails for a week, I returned this Sunday to peak back out and say hello. I also decided to write a brief explanation of why I needed a break from anything besides my 9-5 job.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bad:</u></b><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>As a Counselor on twitter, it's hard to continue to be engaged. I often felt like I worked 8 hours then came home and kept working on twitter; interacting and (hopefully) helping with people with mental illness.</li>
<li>My passion for helping people became overwhelming and I was staying up late to finish a conversation, complete a blog post of think about someone on twitter.</li>
<li>The (TW) ongoing suicide, self harm or pro-eating disorder posts; as a Counselor in person if someone is going to hurt themselves there are things I can do and feel powerful and in control. On twitter, especially with the high rates of those with BPD and self-harm/suicide I feel hopeless and ignoring certain people or posts was still not preventing me from sleepless nights or thinking I should have done something to help at 2am.</li>
<li>My 9-5 job is very, very stressful. If you are unaware I work as a Dual Diagnosis Counselor in a Women's Prison. Until this evening at 8pm, I was 6 months behind on filing- now I am 2. 40 hours a week doesn't cover the workload and I mostly refuse to stay much later for my own sanity leaving me with heaps of work that sits, stresses me out then gets noticed by the boss.</li>
<li>I have "too much compassion," this might sound weird, but I begin feeling too much for people (maybe the honest words is co-dependent) and I was struggling with drawing a boundary.</li>
<li>Having boundaries is difficult online for me, and I found myself not being able to say no to the many requests for help.</li>
<li>Essentially I was not going a good job of self-care and didn't feel like I was ever "off the clock."</li>
</ul>
<div>
<b><u>Moving Forward:</u></b></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Although I will be back on twitter, I am going to set some self-limits on how often I am on. Checking twitter while I do my 9-5 is no longer going to happen. Just morning, evening and maybe a check in during lunch.</li>
<li>I will continue with the contests (I really enjoy it) but need to figure out some online format that is simple for me to track. I will not be mailing books out, as that turned out to be more expensive than I presumed as well as it taking 4 weeks. The last contest probably took 6 hours to tally, choose, order, mail, track and in one case even re-order.</li>
<li>I plan on continuing to respond to DM's from those I know, or answering brief questions, I am no longer responding to people in crisis- but refer elsewhere for their help.</li>
<li>If anyone posts about suicide or anything I feel I can not handle, I will *edit* <a href="https://support.twitter.com/forms/general?subtopic=self_harm" target="_blank">Report to Twitter to follow</a> and possibly re-tweet for others to help, but not give support myself and not engage in any "therapy-like" behavior. If the same person has ongoing SI or ED chat, or continues to post pictures I will "block" them for my own safety.</li>
<li>I will continue the BPD Interviews, but only set-up one a week. If it takes 6 months to get them all done, so be it.</li>
<li>I will be in bed by 10pm if I have work early the next morning, midnight if I do not. </li>
<li>I will drink 6-8 glasses of water and weekly Vitamin D supplements.</li>
<li>I will eat better, consume less caffeine and spend more time playing with the dog than hitting refresh.</li>
<li>I will stop from extending myself too far and pull away before I feel overwhelmed. </li>
<li>If I need to take a break, I will not beat myself up or feel like I let anyone down.</li>
<li>I will read a book every 2 weeks to once a month. These books will not ALL be mental health or addiction literature.</li>
<li>I will be more gentle with myself.</li>
<li><b>I will remind myself that I am not a masterpiece, but a work in progress.</b></li>
</ul>
</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-51819185641084386302012-12-24T17:51:00.000-08:002012-12-24T17:51:10.407-08:00Profiles of Borderline Personality Disorder: David O'Garr<span style="font-family: inherit;">After hitting a writer block earlier this week, I spoke to a fellow counselor about my work with DBT and that I specialize and take an interest in Borderline Personality Disorder. As is often the case, my fellow counselor was stunned that my </span>specialty<span style="font-family: inherit;"> was the one diagnosis she avoided working with "at all costs." Being I speak with those with BPD on Twitter daily, I thought a simple way to change the stigma of "Borderlines" would be to do interviews with people with BPD and put a face with the diagnosis. I was surprised when I put the ABP out and got 6 responses in a few hours. The interview also took longer than I expected, but I hope to have 2 profiles out a week for the next month or two.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<u><b>Being Misdiagnosed</b></u><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9TEEhe-23tFzjIYdqYbzHdEposr8bwuK6WernlSpCSbSFYqN305m9BO8tOcMqlg1Go91LdQ91ltjbp4PWSAUdeB8gWsJu5bxKeQpnL9gZm3JpCXqOGG9tOXmWq3k7MtEXz3cXedELHfc/s1600/david.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9TEEhe-23tFzjIYdqYbzHdEposr8bwuK6WernlSpCSbSFYqN305m9BO8tOcMqlg1Go91LdQ91ltjbp4PWSAUdeB8gWsJu5bxKeQpnL9gZm3JpCXqOGG9tOXmWq3k7MtEXz3cXedELHfc/s320/david.jpg" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9TEEhe-23tFzjIYdqYbzHdEposr8bwuK6WernlSpCSbSFYqN305m9BO8tOcMqlg1Go91LdQ91ltjbp4PWSAUdeB8gWsJu5bxKeQpnL9gZm3JpCXqOGG9tOXmWq3k7MtEXz3cXedELHfc/s1600/david.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">Without further ado, I present<b> <span style="color: #0b5394;">David O'Garr</span></b>, male age 29 years old and from Canada. David is very open and honest in his life, and writes a <a href="http://www.theguywithbpd.com/" target="_blank">blog</a> about his struggles with BPD. David comes from a large blended family, that were invalidating, although he remains close with his mother. Before his BPD diagnosis he felt jerked around by the Mental Health community</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222;">, "</span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222;">It got to the point that every time I talked to a doctor they just wanted to prescribe me something else, and I kept saying that this isn't working we need to do something else. But instead of referring me to someone, they just kept telling me that the waiting lists for psychiatrists was too long and it </span><span style="color: #222222;">wouldn't</span><span style="color: #222222;">' help me." </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> He was </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">diagnosed</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> in March 2011 with BPD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Dysthyia and ADHD Inattentive Type. after 17 </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">years of being </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">diagnosed</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> with depression and on a variety of antidepressants, "</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">I was on meds off and
on from 11 - 28 </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">none of them worked."</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> David found out he had Borderline Personality Disorder after knowing something was amiss for years last March, after waiting almost 2 hours to see a </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Psychiatrist</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">,</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;"> "he spent
20 minutes with me, told me I had BPD, </span><span style="color: #222222;">referred</span><span style="color: #222222;"> me to a different Psychiatrist
and sent me on my merry way. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">So I left there, not
knowing up from down, not knowing what BPD actually was, basically thought I
was being told that I was not a real person pretty much. That everything
I thought was me was a lie...</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">And to top it all off,
I felt disrespected, not listened to, and treated like I didn't actu</span><span style="color: #222222;">ally
matter." </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #222222;"><b><u>The Hardest Part: Romantic Relationships</u></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">As David read about the diagnosis he felt unsettled, "</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222;">Well the first things
I were reading was that it was most often </span><span style="color: #222222;">diagnosed</span><span style="color: #222222;"> in women and gay men. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Which made me feel
that the diagnosis was actually wrong, that the treatment of it in the medical field
was actually sexist and misogynist in nature (I'd say homophobic, but
homophobia also has it's roots in misogyny.) </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">That we were basically
being treated for 'hysteria' </span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222;">I also came across a
lot of blog posts by men </span><span style="color: #222222;">stigmatizing</span><span style="color: #222222;"> women with BPD. Which was a bit
heart breaking to read as well." David is one of only 3 men, I have meet with the Borderline Personality Diagnosis, "</span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222;">I've also been
basically </span><span style="color: #222222;">written</span><span style="color: #222222;"> off in discussion and debates, and told well he's a
'borderline' so not worth engaging with. </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">It's actually those
things that have made me really scared of being in a relationship<b>. </b></span><span style="color: #222222;">That I would be seen as being 'psychotic'
'crazy' and 'clingy' and I have seen how I've been in relationships and it
scares me." David states he struggles with romantic relationships the most, having BPD, "</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #222222; line-height: 115%;">I find love to be the hardest and most difficult emotion to regulate</span><span style="color: #222222;">...</span><span style="color: #222222;">It's the intimate
relationship thing. </span><span style="color: #222222;">I want nothing more
then to find a partner, settle down, create a home and a family for myself. </span><span style="color: #222222;">Get a dog, maybe adopt
kids. </span><span style="color: #222222;">It's funny I </span><span style="color: #222222;">actually</span><span style="color: #222222;"> wrote a piece about this not too long ago, about dating with BPD after some
pretty crappy experiences this summer. </span><span style="color: #222222;">I have actually been
really upfront with guys about what I'm like </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">or I try to be </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">before I had my
diagnosis I have said like 'I feel things larger then life, it it's difficult
for me to dial it back.' A</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">fter my diagnosis, I explain
what my diagnosis is, and what it meant." </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"> "</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That I have no interest in dating someone, but
if you're </span>perusing<span style="font-family: inherit;"> me you need to know this, because I can't handle someone who
is just going to run the first time I get triggered </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">and fly off the handle
about something. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"> I get a lot of,
'that's okay', 'I'm still interested' 'I like you for you', or we'll work through
it. But then the first time they're confronted with me being angry and
pissed off </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">they totally and
utterly just cut me off..</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">tell me I'm melodramatic and they don't have time for that</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">"I pretty much hold
that Marilyn quote pretty near and dear to my heart after my experiences:<b><i> “I'm
selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control
and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you
sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”</i></b></span><span style="color: #222222;"><b><i> </i></b> </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Actually it's funny
because I </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">usually</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"> break it to them with that quote. It's like, do you know
what this means? Do you know what this actually means? I think a lot of people
use that quote because they think it applies to them, but I think that quote
applies to people with BPD so much more. We can totally be out of control
and selfish and impatient, but we can also be so completely and utterly
selfless and our ability for empathy and compassion I think is amazing too.
That we have bad things and good things, and our good ones really make it
worth it. If you can give us the time to prove that.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><u>
Support</u></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="color: #222222;">"I have an awesome support system. My roommate, which I wish I
could love </span><span style="color: #222222;">romantically</span><span style="color: #222222;"> because it would make my life simpler. He's an
amazing man, he has his faults too, but when I freak out he just lets me do it
and either walks away or goes out, and then when I done I usually apologize to
him for having to see that and he just shrugs and we watch TV or a movie, or
play video games. There's also my mother, who's a big PFLAG mom, she's
also trying very hard to learn what BPD is all about and doesn't quite get it
yet. </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">And my best friend,
who I am able to talk about pretty much anything and everything with.
She's been there for me through a lot of my life, and is really the
strongest part of my support network."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><u>Stigma</u></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">David would most like to change people's opinion of the diagnosis, "</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">I wish people would understand the part about
how difficult it is for us to deal with just every day. The ups and downs
of our emotions are a roller coaster and a lot of times we can't deal and really
just want to get off the ride...</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">That being melodramatic isn't us being vindictive or malicious, but a
result of us trying to cope and ride the wave of emotions without having the
tools to do it in a way that meets the limitations of acceptable </span></span><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">behavior</span></span><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> or
the 'status-quo' of our pretty backwards society. </span></span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">That being clingy, is me trying to be connected, and all I need is
reassurance that you respect that, that you still care and you do want me.
That once I'm reassured, you can do whatever you want, within limits of
course." </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Exactly, the </span><span style="color: #222222;">funniest</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"> thing is that it's that first part of the relationship that's the hardest,
because that's when I need the most reassurance </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">once the trust is
built, and I know you're not going to leave, is when I know I'm more relaxed, </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">but I can never get to
that stage."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><b><u>Getting Better</u></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">David has mostly utilized CBT therapy, although he found DBT group more helpful, "</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Well did a lot of CBT which I found unhelpful </span></span><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">because</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> none of my
therapists really seem to understand what I was going through. And I've
had a few. But still the same methods were applied over and over again,
and I got really good at talking around my therapists, to the point where I
have finished treatment with multiple therapists with them saying I didn't need
anymore treatment...</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">I got so good at telling
people what they want to hear, that I just said it because I felt frustrated
with them. Then I have taken a six week DBT crash course and I found that
REALLY helpful, and I am now just waiting for the year long treatment."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222; line-height: 115%;">When asked what David has learned about himself since this journey began for him at age 11, "</span><span style="color: #222222;">I have learned a lot.
I have learned not to change myself for other people, because once
learning about that as a symptom I started catching myself doing that. I have found
that medications can help if you start taking the right ones. I have
found that I don't always need to be right, and my need and want to be just
stemmed from my need and want to be accepted</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">."</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-69796046321773025742012-12-15T18:06:00.000-08:002012-12-15T18:06:29.052-08:00Are Mentally Ill People Dangerous (TW)<div style="text-align: center;">
<u><b>Let me start off by stating four quick points:</b></u></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<ul>
<li>What happened in Newtown, Connecticut was a tragedy.</li>
<li>The following view is not to discuss why? how? who is to blame or gun control.</li>
<li>The following post uses facts and intellect rather than blanket statements and accusations.</li>
<li>It is written by a well-educated adult whose career and education serves as a platform to form the following viewpoint.</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet tw-align-center">
<span style="text-align: center;">I'd ban ALL guns for convicted criminals and ANYONE with ANY mental health history whatsoever.</span><br />
<span style="text-align: center;">— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) <a data-datetime="2012-12-14T22:21:46+00:00" href="https://twitter.com/piersmorgan/status/279712814879354880">December 14, 2012</a></span></blockquote>
<script async="async" charset="utf-8" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><span style="text-align: center;">
</span>
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="text-align: center;">
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Along with this tweet, after finding out the news I found myself with a whole slew of people stating the shooter "must be mentally ill/sick/psychotic," and a guesses of his diagnosis from laymen as well as some news casters, as well as Piers Morgan, who tweeted the above tweet to his nearly 3 million followers.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>So are those with mental illness more dangerous than those without? Are those with mental illness more violent? </b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The answer may seem obvious to the general public, given the popularity of movies, TV shows and books in which mentally unbalanced individuals are portrayed as homicidal maniacs. Three-quarters of Americans view mentally ill people as dangerous, according to a 1999 study in the American Journal of Public Health. Another 1999 study from the same journal found that 60% of Americans believed patients with schizophrenia — a condition characterized by disordered thought processes, paranoid delusions and auditory hallucinations — were likely to commit violent acts.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But while the data show that people with certain psychiatric problems do commit violent crimes at a higher rate than those who are seemingly healthy, the vast majority of homicides, arsons and assaults are perpetrated by people who are not considered severely mentally ill.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
What's more, other factors, such as unemployment, divorce in the last year and a history of physical abuse, are better predictors of violent behavior than a diagnosis of schizophrenia, according to a 2009 study in the Archives of General Psychiatry.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"If a person has severe mental illness without substance abuse and history of violence, he or she has the same chances of being violent during the next three years as any other person in the general population," the study found. <a href="http://articles.latimes.com/2011/jan/20/health/la-he-mentally-ill-violent-20110116" target="_blank">(source)</a> <a href="http://chosenfast.com/2008/02/07/are-mentally-ill-people-more-violent/" target="_blank">(many more sources here)</a></div>
</blockquote>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>So simple, the big question is solved, now let's look at the negative impact this lie-telling and guessing game causes:</b></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: center;">
The discrimination and stigma associated with mental illnesses stem in part, from the link between mental illness and violence in the minds of the general public (DHHS, 1999, Corrigan, et al., 2002). The<strong> </strong>effects of stigma and discrimination are profound. The President’s New Freedom Commission on <strong></strong>Mental Health found that, “Stigma leads others to avoid living, socializing, or working with, renting<strong> </strong>to, or employing people with mental disorders - especially severe disorders, such as schizophrenia.<strong> </strong>It leads to low self-esteem, isolation, and hopelessness. It deters the public from seeking and wanting to pay for care. Responding to stigma, people with mental health problems internalize public attitudes and become so embarrassed or ashamed that they often conceal symptoms and fail to seek treatment (New Freedom Commission, 2003).” <a href="http://depts.washington.edu/mhreport/facts_violence.php" target="_blank">(source)</a></div>
</blockquote>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So telling lies, jumping to conclusions and assuming violence is perpetrated in increasing numbers by those whom are mentally ill, hurt those who are mentally ill creating this ongoing stigma that mental illness equals danger. <b>So why does the general population think those with mental illness are dangerous?</b></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Characters in prime time television portrayed as having a mental illness are depicted as the most dangerous of all demographic groups: 60 percent were shown to be involved in crime or violence" (Mental Health American, 1999). "Most news accounts portray people with mental illness as dangerous" (Wahl, 1995). "The vast majority of news stories on mental illness either focus on other negative characteristics related to people with the disorder (e.g., unpredictability and unsociability) or on medical treatments. Notably absent are positive stories that highlight recovery of many persons with even the most serious of mental illnesses" (Wahl, et al., 2002). <a href="http://www.blogger.com/%22Characters%20in%20prime%20time%20television%20portrayed%20as%20having%20a%20mental%20illness%20are%20depicted%20as%20the%20most%20dangerous%20of%20all%20demographic%20groups:%2060%20percent%20were%20shown%20to%20be%20involved%20in%20crime%20or%20violence%22%20(Mental%20Health%20American,%201999).%20%20%22Most%20news%20accounts%20portray%20people%20with%20mental%20illness%20as%20dangerous%22%20(Wahl,%201995).%20%20%22The%20vast%20majority%20of%20news%20stories%20on%20mental%20illness%20either%20focus%20on%20other%20negative%20characteristics%20related%20to%20people%20with%20the%20disorder%20(e.g.,%20unpredictability%20and%20unsociability)%20or%20on%20medical%20treatments.%20Notably%20absent%20are%20positive%20stories%20that%20highlight%20recovery%20of%20many%20persons%20with%20even%20the%20most%20serious%20of%20mental%20illnesses%22%20(Wahl,%20et%20al.,%202002)." target="_blank">(source)</a></div>
</blockquote>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>How can those in the public eye become honest with their viewers instead of perpetuating lies and stereotypes?</b></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: #f0f0f0; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">Choose your words wisely: Learn about the impact your words can have on those with mental illnesses.</span><span style="background-color: #f0f0f0; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span style="background-color: #f0f0f0; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: #f0f0f0; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">Words are very powerful.</span><span style="background-color: #f0f0f0; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<ul><span style="font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">
<li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">When we say someone is "crazy" or "that's totally mental" we're perpetuating stereotypes.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">Avoid the verb "suffers" when discussing mental illness. Instead, choose, "lives with mental illness" or "is affected by mental illness."</span></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">Use "person first" vocabulary. When we say a person is schizophrenic, we make their mental illness fully define their identity. Instead, be clear that this is a disease that individuals manage and live with -- "He is living with schizophrenia."</span></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">There are many phrases and terms; "crazy," "nuts", "psycho", "schiz", "retard" and "lunatic" that may seem insignificant, but really aren't.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">While there may be times when it is too challenging or simply not possible to politely correct someone else's insensitive use of language, you can always watch your own. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-patricia-fitzgerald/glenn-close-mental-health-stigma_b_1557015.html" target="_blank">(source)</a></span></li>
</span></span></ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">
</span></span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>How can those with mental illness begin changing the stereotype of mental illness? </b> Bring Change to Mind is an organization started by Glen Close, who's sister has Bipolar Disorder and nephew Schizoaffective about changing the stigma. Here are the 6 ways to help: Take the Pledge, sharing your story, spread the word, donate, download the toolkit (which has helpful handouts regarding awareness), walk to raise awareness <a href="http://bringchange2mind.org/pages/get-involved" target="_blank">(source)</a><br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">So what can we do now to begin healing,
newscasters, talking heads, normal people, heck even Piers Morgan could use a
hug right now? </span></b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">Susan Pivers is a Buddhist
Public Speaker whose work focuses on meditation and self-awareness. She
wrote this wonderful piece including a meditation for this incident <a href="http://susanpiver.com/2012/12/14/connecticut/" target="_blank">(source)</a></span><br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Lastly I want to end with this quote from Fred Rogers,
better known as Ms. Rogers:
</div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><b>“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” </b></span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">― </span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/32106.Fred_Rogers" style="color: #666600; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-decoration: initial;">Fred Rogers</a></div>
</blockquote>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<script async="async" charset="utf-8" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-88736669726569011942012-12-13T18:32:00.001-08:002012-12-13T18:32:48.328-08:00My Personal DBT Diary CardI was thinking today while on Twitter that although I do talk about some personal items (mostly my mischievous dog and cooking skills) and I have shared <a href="http://aliciapazdbt.blogspot.com/2012/10/why-i-became-therapist.html" target="_blank">Why I become a Therapist</a>, I have not shared how DBT has helped me. I currently do not meet any criteria for any DSMIV-r diagnosis, but learning about and teaching DBT has helped me immensely in my life. Here is a list of the most (and least) common used skills:<br />
<br />
<b><u>Mindfulness:</u></b> I use this almost daily, so much so during stressful times at work, sometimes while in group that clients have "caught" me suddenly re-positioning myself to do some grounding/square breathing. This most often happens when someone shares their autobiography or I am dealing with my own personal issue and need to re-focus on the task at hand. I also use mindfulness when doing paperwork, the dreaded part of counseling. After 4 hours of Utilization Reviews, "square breathing" and "observe and describe," helps me focus on the task.<br />
<br />
<u><b>HOW Skills:</b></u> I use these when I come in every Monday to a stack of sheets to file, a slew of notes from clients stating "I need to talk to you ASAP," as well as an occasional bombardment of someone in my office at 7:30am with an urgent issue, that needs to be solved fast. The HOW skills allow me to non-judgmentally (instead of yelling, freaking out or catastrophizing,) one-mindfully and effectively assess the situation. In short it helps me to remain calm and prioritize: pick group sheets off floor, quick organize, turn on computer while I read the client notes to me, prioritize highlighting and placing anything urgent on top of pile in front of computer, check e-mails, respond quickly if necessary or it is something short that I don't want on my to-do list, continue working on paperwork to do first (I create a to-do list on Saturdays for Monday.)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Distress Tolerance- Sensations:</u></b> All the time in group or one-on-ones I use this skill in very basic ways, sometimes it's as simple as fiddling with a Styrofoam cup I randomly keep in my office, rolling the toilet paper (we don't have the luxury of tissues in prison) into small balls or noticing the heat from the computer on my left leg.<br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<b><u>Improve the Moment: </u></b>Mints, I keep a larger round container in my office and although they are great for some breath refreshing post-lunch I often use it to Improve the Moment. Simply popping a spearmint piece in my mouth for a few seconds vastly improves whatever I am doing and it also gives me a reason to get out of the chair and look away from the computer for a bit.<br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<b><u>Wise Mind:</u></b> In the prison, we refer to it as "I over E" (intellect over emotion) and use it as a cognitive skill. I use this all the time, and encourage my clients to do the same. For example I am now able to notice my ears getting hot, my heart racing before the feelings of anger or panic. I am able to think very concrete and remind myself almost instantly "this too shall pass." A close friend/counselor told me she spoke to her anxiety, and for me that seems a little odd, I do talk to my feelings saying things like "This is anger right now, you feel betrayed, upset, sad and disrespected and this will stop. Is it valid? What DBT skill can I do to Improve the Moment? What is my best option for being most effective right now. This too shall pass."<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLHBeSK13M6i36GUwBAZmnHPeRU0XsIMvFQUteDdrjjvIWSuDmAb6jFUyC_EkYLhHaOIg_5nKt749NoN52l0bOg6sC9cSoXFQtFGgATsvv5-BGGo79lDUL3OGMjR7YmfuWB0w5SN5JgCs/s1600/traditional_diary_card_side_two.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLHBeSK13M6i36GUwBAZmnHPeRU0XsIMvFQUteDdrjjvIWSuDmAb6jFUyC_EkYLhHaOIg_5nKt749NoN52l0bOg6sC9cSoXFQtFGgATsvv5-BGGo79lDUL3OGMjR7YmfuWB0w5SN5JgCs/s1600/traditional_diary_card_side_two.gif" height="409" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Can you tell what days are more stressful and which days I have off?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I am going to stop here, as I could probably list 20 instances in he last 5 days I used DBT skills. There are some I struggle on still as well:<br />
<br />
<b><u>PLEASE:</u></b> I try to sleep 8 hours, but stress and the late night anxiety ("I need to remember to pack a lunch tomorrow? Where are my brown shoes? Can I wait until Saturday to wash the dog? Do we have enough OJ for breakfast?") often keeps me up and I find myself staying up to do fun things only to regret it in the morning.<br />
<br />
<b><u>DEAR MAN:</u></b> I am good with this one up until the end, negotiate is what trips me up. I do think part of it is due to the power dynamic working in a prison where my word is the final word most of the time. I am very assertive, but when it comes to moving an inch, I sometimes personalize and I often get stubborn.<br />
<br />
So that's my best/worst list. What skills do you utilize most often? Which ones are you struggling/still working on?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-5615567707119958062012-12-10T11:14:00.000-08:002012-12-10T11:18:09.162-08:00BPD and Relationships<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizjq1sDHNIjQdp3kzJGcli-a-SYidhG4ht7UeJrcxXkhJcsWKOPG2HjA9hpCPxZ8j2x-A9yAOFt28-8YIZ_MYdc_isbCrZ8lfY7Hs5TlCvUmbXkJ6hJQiLT2rm6OMfmkILmZ3AFFQdIuE/s1600/power_control-wheel_clip_image001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizjq1sDHNIjQdp3kzJGcli-a-SYidhG4ht7UeJrcxXkhJcsWKOPG2HjA9hpCPxZ8j2x-A9yAOFt28-8YIZ_MYdc_isbCrZ8lfY7Hs5TlCvUmbXkJ6hJQiLT2rm6OMfmkILmZ3AFFQdIuE/s320/power_control-wheel_clip_image001.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
In group I have my clients work on the <a href="http://www.uic.edu/depts/owa/power_control-wheel_clip_image001.jpg" target="_blank">Power and Control Wheel</a> numerous times in the 6 month program. I think it is really important for those with mental illness and addiction issues to be able to identify what is abuse. The most interesting part is when I ask them to identify ways in which they were the abuser and used the P&CW against someone else. It's harder to come to grips with, but a few are vocal about using abuse against someone else, most of the examples are holding children as pawns, physical abuse, comments about a man's sexual performance to belittle him and cheating as a way to demean him. I bring this up because as I have been considering writing about Borderline Personality and Romantic Relationship, but everyone I try- I get distracted and a more optimistic blog idea pops up. <br />
<br />
Until I read <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201108/its-nothing-personal-woman-bpd-explains-her-actions-in-romantic-r" target="_blank">"A Woman With BPD Explains Her Actions in Romantic Relationships" </a> by the author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572246901/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1572246901&linkCode=as2&tag=alpabp-20">Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=alpabp-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1572246901" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />. In it she has the very honest and personal account of someone with BDP who explains her past relationships and the abusive tactics she has used:<br />
<div class="article-content-top" style="background-color: white; clear: both; font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; margin-top: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<blockquote>
<h2 style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal;">
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>Purposely broken a gift you gave me</strong> </span></li>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: small;">Flirted with several other people at a time or having a crush on others while I'm still dating you</span></strong></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>Said some of the most cutthroat things you've ever heard</strong> .</span></li>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: small;">Talked about <a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/suicide" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(153, 153, 153); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: black; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: initial;" title="Psychology Today looks at Suicide">suicide</a> even though I know it hurts you</span></strong></li>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: small;">Pulled a "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde"</span></strong></li>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: small;">Pushed you away then pulled you right back</span></strong></li>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: small;">Started an argument out of nowhere</span></strong></li>
</ul>
</h2>
</blockquote>
</div>
The author of the article goes into depth about why someone with BPD would act this way, most of it boils down to the fear of abandonment as well as mood swings that can cause quick fluctuations of love and hate. Reminds me of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0399536213/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0399536213&linkCode=as2&tag=alpabp-20">I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=alpabp-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0399536213" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />. And yes according to the Power and Control wheel the above 7 bullet points could be broken down like this:<br />
<br />
<ul style="background-color: white;">
<li style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><strong style="color: #333333;">Purposely broken a gift you gave me</strong><span style="color: #333333;"> </span><span style="color: #990000;">Intimidation & emotional abuse</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="color: #333333; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Flirted with several other people at a time or having a crush on others while I'm still dating you </span><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">Intimidation & emotional abuse & using coercion and threats</span></span></span></li>
<li style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><strong style="color: #333333;">Said some of the most cutthroat things you've ever heard</strong><span style="color: #333333;"> </span><span style="color: #990000;">emotional abuse & isolation & minimizing, denying and blaming</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="color: #333333; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Talked about </span><a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/suicide" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(153, 153, 153); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: black; font-weight: normal; line-height: 20px; text-decoration: initial;" title="Psychology Today looks at Suicide">suicide</a><span style="color: #333333; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;"> even though I know it hurts you </span><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">emotional abuse & using intimidation & isolation & using coercion and threats & denying, blaming and minimizing</span></span></span></li>
<li style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="color: #333333; font-weight: bold;">Pulled a "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" </span><span style="color: #990000;">emotional abuse </span></span></li>
<li style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b style="color: #333333;">Pushed you away then pulled you right back </b><span style="color: #990000;">emotional abuse, denying, blaming & minimizing</span></span></li>
<li style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b style="color: #333333;">Started an argument out of nowhere </b><span style="color: #990000;">emotional abuse, minimizing, denying and blaming</span></span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">So that's the bad news, those with BPD are often the abusers (not saying they are not as often abused) in romantic relationship. And it may sound like a broken record, but there are ways to get better and once again this is why boundaries are so important. So what steps can be taken to have healthy relationships? Here is a great article from BPD Central with the <a href="http://www.bpdcentral.com/blog/?10-Essential-Limits-for-Romantic-Relationships-13" target="_blank">10 Essential Limits for Romantic Relatonships</a>:</span></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<h2 style="background-color: white; color: #404763; line-height: 22px; margin: 5px 0px 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">The 10 Essential Limits</span></h2>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #404763; line-height: 14px; margin-bottom: 12px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Keep in mind that a limit is not about rules or telling the other person what to do. You can't control their behavior; you can only control your own. Limits are based on your personal values and about what you will do to take care of yourself. For more information about limits, what they are and what they're not, and how to set and observe them, see my book <em>The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder.</em></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #404763; line-height: 14px; margin-bottom: 12px; padding: 0px;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOYPxhkzCciB3KPJzWNa54-D_v3InyVFBXB6p3bg9x_7KMSraEt9J7PQB85UXFFzqEOoFeWRd8Wop33feACBkG-bi0mslCVcX5S5oMBhVB6Cf21yY6yu4oeg_OEQwGHWSZisJBKGuSWW8/s1600/equality-wheel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOYPxhkzCciB3KPJzWNa54-D_v3InyVFBXB6p3bg9x_7KMSraEt9J7PQB85UXFFzqEOoFeWRd8Wop33feACBkG-bi0mslCVcX5S5oMBhVB6Cf21yY6yu4oeg_OEQwGHWSZisJBKGuSWW8/s320/equality-wheel.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. <strong>No mindreading</strong>. Your job is verbalize your own thoughts, feelings, concerns and preferences. By contrast, assuming you know the other person's thoughts and motivations (e.g., "You think that.." or, "You did this/said this because....") is almost always guaranteed to get you into trouble. Mindreading is one of the biggest obstacles to effective communication; it is invalidating, provocative, and almost always based on misinterpretations.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #404763; line-height: 14px; margin-bottom: 12px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2. <strong>Build routines of taking a time out when things begin to get heated.</strong> People who are furious simply can't think straight; their brain is so focused on their feelings that logic gets thrown out the window. This is especially true with BPs and NPs. You can test this yourself. Think about something you said in the moment of anger that you regretted the next day (or week).</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #404763; line-height: 14px; margin-bottom: 12px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Talk about time-outs at a calm before they are needed, letting your partner know how this will work and assuring him or her that you two will come back to finish the discussion when you are both calmer. (Your partner, of course, has the option of initiating a time out too.) Find a safe place that is sacrosanct to you where no one else can enter when you need to be alone.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Early exits when either of you is beginning to feel a temperature rise prevents unsafe, hurtful mistakes--verbal as well as physical. Take the pot off the stove by removing yourself early on from a situation you may not be able to handle calmly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3. R<strong>egularly do things you both enjoy and share positive reactions to your partner</strong>. The two of you need positive shared time and interactions to keep the relationship connection solid.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Positivity makes relationships worth having. The more appreciation, agreement, affection, playfulness, attention, etc you offer each other, the sunnier your relationship will be. And the more you give, the more you'll get.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4. <strong>Focus on what you can do to improve situations rather than criticizing each other</strong>. And if you do feel it could be helpful to say something to your partner about what she or he has been doing, offer it as feedback, not as a criticism or complaint. People with personality disorders take criticism very badly, so it doesn't work to change their behavior.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Instead, learn ways to bring up your concerns without being critical and triggering the other person's defenses (well, as much as you can for a person with BPD/NPD). To give feedback offer a when-you statement, as in, "When you xyz, I feel abc"). Especially avoid the phrase, "You make me feel." That's blame.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Remember that it's not your job to tell your partner what he or she should or shouldn't be doing. It is up to you to be honest about how you react as a consequence of your behavior. Your partner's concern for your feelings will tell you a lot about their capacity to show their love.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just because you stop criticizing them won't stop them from criticizing and blaming you. With your own therapist or one of my books, formulate a strategy for how you will respond. My books go into this in detail.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5. <strong>Do not speak with contempt, ever</strong>. Studies have shown that couples who communicate contempt for each other are the most likely to break up. This principle is most important with regard to listening. Dismissive or eye-rolling as a form of listening dooms relationships.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6. <strong>No hostile touching; no putting hands on each other in anger</strong>. No threats or hurting property, either. Have a zero tolerance policy. Men, take any physical aggressiveness by your girlfriend or wife seriously; abuse of men is an underreported epidemic. Document, document, document, and be in communication with the police.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Never put your hands on your partner. Even if it is a mild pat, your partner may exaggerate it and make false abuse claims. You may end up in jail and unable to see your children.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">7. <strong>Each person needs to have his or her own space, private time, and friendships as well as joint ones</strong>. Keep up with your friends and family and never become isolated. Isolation is the kiss of death to your confidence level, well-being, and sense of reality. Find at least one friend or counselor you can be honest with about what's going on. You need outside perspective, even if that threatens your partner.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">8. <strong>Take responsibility for having and managing your own feelings, verbalizing your concerns and preferences, and being responsive to your partner's concerns and preferences</strong>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">9. <strong>Come to a mutual agreement about monogamy (or lack of) so you are honest and on the same page.</strong> Do not put up with infidelity (however you define it) that goes against your values. With infidelity, your sense of self-esteem will take a huge nosedive and your marriage will eventually be in name only. Again, formulate strategies with a therapist.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">10. <strong>Work on problem-solving, not blame, and find win-win solutions so "Your-way" and "Their–way" differences lead to an "Our-way" solution that you both feel good about</strong>.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-23218052414607235912012-12-09T17:50:00.000-08:002012-12-11T16:21:10.368-08:00BPD and MedicationA counselor friend this week asked me the following question: If there is no medication for Borderline Personality Disorder why are so many on medications? Pretty valid question.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">No medications have been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to treat borderline personality disorder. Only a few studies show that medications are necessary or effective for people with this illness. However, many people with borderline personality disorder are treated with medications in addition to psychotherapy. While medications do not cure BPD, some medications may be helpful in managing specific symptoms. For some people, medications can help reduce symptoms such as anxiety, depression, or aggression. Often, people are treated with several medications at the same time, but there is little evidence that this practice is necessary or effective. <a href="http://www.medicinenet.com/borderline_personality_disorder/article.htm" target="_blank">source</a></span></span></blockquote>
I have meet many people with BPD who have another diagnosis (or 5); Anxiety disorders, depression, PTSD, etc. So for some people they are receiving medication for a separate disorder, which sometimes has overlapping symptoms. For those of you who follow me on Twitter you know my issue with being people misdiagnosed with a plethora of other diagnosis, that gets added to each year when BPD is the only one. Putting that aside I also think some people with BPD (especially those whom are newly diagnosed) are given Benzodiazaphines (I will save my opinion on that for another rant) to cope with the anxiety caused my BPD.<br />
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I work full-time in a prison, the female inmates are in a 6-month program, I find that month 1 everyone is knocking on my door about medications, someones their mental illness is valid often it is not (mostly due to drug use.) Month 2-3 some mental health issues come to surface, as the program is intensive 20-hour a week therapy and people are now dealing with things they have stuffed for so long and they have a decent amount of clean time. Right now my group is in month 3, what started as 11 on medication (out of 21) is now 5. I asked the group why it has dwindled down significantly in 90 days. The answers not surprising; 'we now have cog skills, I started journaling, grounding techniques, coping skills, I take to my bunkie about it.' Many of these women are using skills over medication.*<br />
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So maybe medication is not available to you (Big Pharma will be another rant as well,) or maybe you are on medication and looking to gain more coping skills- here is a list of modes to get well for BPD:<br />
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<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Dialetcical Behavioral Therapy</b> <a href="http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/" target="_blank">Self-study material</a></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>EMDR</b> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessing" target="_blank">mostly used to handle trauma</a></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>EFT</b> <a href="http://www.eftuniverse.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1483&Itemid=1429" target="_blank">(tapping)</a></span></li>
<li><b>MBT</b> <a href="http://psychcentral.com/lib/2008/mentalization-based-therapy-mbt/" target="_blank">used more in UK</a> (Thanks to anon comment for the info)</li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;"><a href="http://bpd.about.com/od/howtofindhel1/a/support.htm" style="color: #3366cc; cursor: pointer; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Social Support</a></b><span style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">. Talk to others who may understand what you are going through.</span><span style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;"> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">Behavioral Activation</b><span style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">. Engage in an activity that might take your mind off the stressful situation for a little while.</span><span style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;"> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">Relaxation Exercises</b><span style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">. Practice a relaxation exercise, such as</span><span style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;"> </span><a href="http://ptsd.about.com/od/selfhelp/ht/breathing2.htm" style="color: #3366cc; cursor: pointer; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">deep breathing</a><span style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">or </span><a href="http://ptsd.about.com/od/selfhelp/ht/PMR.htm" style="color: #3366cc; cursor: pointer; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">progressive muscle relaxation</a><span style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;"><a href="http://bpd.about.com/od/livingwithbpd/a/grounding.htm" style="color: #3366cc; cursor: pointer; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Grounding</a></b><span style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">. Practice grounding exercises that are designed to keep you "grounded" in the present moment, rather than caught up in replaying events in your head, worrying about the future or zoning out.</span><span style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;"> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;"><a href="http://bpd.about.com/od/livingwithbpd/a/mindfulness.htm" style="color: #3366cc; cursor: pointer; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Mindfulness Meditation</a></b><span style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">. Practice mindfulness meditation, which helps you to observe and describe your experiences without judging or rejecting them.</span><span style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;"> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">Active Problem-Solving</b><span style="font-style: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">. Consider the problem at hand: Is there a way to solve the problem directly? <a href="http://bpd.about.com/od/livingwithbpd/a/Coping.htm" target="_blank">(source for 5-10)</a></span></span></li>
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<i>*I am not saying medication may not be necessary for some</i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-33418278511050951342012-12-09T10:07:00.001-08:002012-12-09T10:09:21.457-08:00BPD Community Pinterest <div style="text-align: center;">
I love Pinterest and I find myself spending more and more time sharing inspirational quotes I find on there. So, I decided to create a Pinterest Community page. E-mail, comment here or DM on Twitter with your e-mail address and you can view, share and add your own pins. <i> </i></div>
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<i>As an FYI I had to set it up as a business account, otherwise it would sync with my personal account (and only so many people can look at Corgi boards!) </i></div>
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<i>I won't be doing any kind of "screening" before someone posts on there, so if you see anything triggering or inappropriate let me know and I will be quick to delete and if necessary un-invite someone.</i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://pinterest.com/bpdinspiration/" target="_blank"><b>BPD Community</b></a></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-86649417289184108222012-12-07T16:29:00.001-08:002012-12-07T16:29:54.955-08:00Blog Roll<div style="text-align: center;">
Just wanted to make a short post to bring attention to the blog roll on the right. New blog coming soon on romantic relationships and BPD.</div>
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Hope you are enjoying the winter (or summer depending on where you are!)</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-91523731974709778372012-12-03T19:49:00.003-08:002012-12-03T19:51:45.579-08:00Mental Illness and Self IdentitySince the book contest has been going on for a week (congrats winners!) I have not been blogging, but now my ideas are running amok so it's time to put down on paper what's swirling around my mind.<br />
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I have been getting a lot of questions about the <a href="http://aliciapazdbt.blogspot.com/2012/10/borderline-changes-for-dsm-5.html">new changes to the BPD diagnosis in the DSM5</a> coming out in May 2013, which was just finalized this weekend. The new diagnostic criteria for BPD in my opinion is vague and covers too many people. But what if looking at the current criteria, and after years of therapy, DBT, CBT, therapy, heck even EMDR therapy you now meet 1 or 2 of the criteria when 5 or more criteria equals a Borderline Personality Diagnosis? Well, first off you no longer have a BPD diagnosis (per the DSM IV-r) but does this make you "cured?"<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Recovery may seem like an illusory concept. We still know very little about what this process is like for people with severe mental illness. Yet many recent intervention studies have in fact measured elements of recovery, even though the recovery process went unmentioned. Recovery is a multidimensional concept: there is no single measure of recovery, but many different measures that estimate various aspects of it. The recovery vision expands our concept of service outcome to include such dimensions as self-esteem, adjustment to disability, empowerment, and self-determination. However, it is the concept of recovery, and not the many ways to measure it, that ties the various components of the field into a single vision. For service providers, recovery from mental illness is a vision commensurate with researchers’ vision of curing and preventing mental illness. Recovery is a simple yet powerful vision <a href="http://128.197.26.36/cpr/repository/articles/pdf/anthony1993.pdf">(Anthony, 1991.)</a>"</blockquote>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXT7SeNahoceyX8ci_PXpqLCKc4t8B25m_79Gf3bXVZ1-JG0Xca2wbP1jW7eA5cxCZcBL6SsTimmYPxZtDJjAIeckf2yv6nOZTcPxZYN4Qi_i3qgya5R3ldPIeZitPDlq-4Ufv09J9ldg/s1600/recovery.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXT7SeNahoceyX8ci_PXpqLCKc4t8B25m_79Gf3bXVZ1-JG0Xca2wbP1jW7eA5cxCZcBL6SsTimmYPxZtDJjAIeckf2yv6nOZTcPxZYN4Qi_i3qgya5R3ldPIeZitPDlq-4Ufv09J9ldg/s200/recovery.jpg" width="176" /></a>I have worked with many people whom were diagnosed with a mental illness, and though therapy, groups and sometimes medications, were doing better; holding down jobs, attending college, making friends and felt like they were lost for a while, "I have been Bipolar for so long who am I now?" I think this mindset can be especially true for <i>some </i>with BPD, since the therapy is so intensive and the community is so tight-knit. <br />
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Take for instance a client I worked with whom had Bipolar disorder with psychotic symptoms; he had been attending NAMI groups for years, most of his friends were from the mental health clinic I worked at, his calendar was filled with Bipolar workshops, meetings, and events he had been attending for years. After years of therapy and medication he was still attending these events and at some point I told him he was the poster child for "Bipolar Success." He was confused by this term "success," he asked, "am I cured?" I opened the DSM IV-r and read through the criteria for his current diagnosis- he meet 2, when 5 was needed. After I assured him that he was not going to be dropped from services due to this (oh, insurance woes,) we spoke about if he should continue to spend 20 hours a week surrounded by those with a mental illness he no longer has? Should he drop all his friends? Was it appropriate to discuss at NAMI meetings issues surrounding a mental illness he no longer has? Should he tell people?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhICf7KYwmu34HdZQoao3Vlc1YReBznChomfC-nANEMd5AWxvNkabxAxEDSb8QlXhIhhwqNCZLsVhVuXF4FOQ_AZlDCRh_s7iTR7x9pDh-XLKwOzSn7NjkzAzuKVjXlNKn0qIuzHglKOHE/s1600/believe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhICf7KYwmu34HdZQoao3Vlc1YReBznChomfC-nANEMd5AWxvNkabxAxEDSb8QlXhIhhwqNCZLsVhVuXF4FOQ_AZlDCRh_s7iTR7x9pDh-XLKwOzSn7NjkzAzuKVjXlNKn0qIuzHglKOHE/s200/believe.jpg" width="200" /></a>After a 50 minute session and a follow up phone call (he was "freaking out!") we decided his plan of action; it is okay to continue the relationships he has created, he can be a role model for others regarding what recovery looks like; attending NAMI meetings-okay BUT new doors are now open he didn't think were when he was diagnosed before; college classes, a healthy relationship (he was too embarrassed prior to have one,) and full-time employment over collecting disability. He was (understandably) so attached to his identity that he didn't know who he was without it.<br />
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<i>I understand this isn't the case for all people with Mental Illness, as some hide their mental illness from others, are not properly diagnosed and some even avoid the reality of their illness.</i><br />
<br />
Here is a great list of people's stories regarding their mental illness recovery <a href="http://www.state.sc.us/dmh/client_affairs/connections.pdf">Connections: Stories of Recovery from Mental Illness</a>:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Today, LeRoy doesn't see any doctor for therapy. He sees his doctor simply to refill his prescription when needed. His treated Delusional Schizophrenia affects him as much as treated diabetes or high blood pressure would. He takes responsibility for it, and life goes on. "I take my pill at bedtime. I haven't really had any side effects," he says. But perhaps there has been a side effect his job. As a survivor of a mental illness, LeRoy realized he now has a responsibility not only for his own recovery, but for the healing of others. So he's made a career of it. LeRoy helps other people with mental illnesses, called clients, as they walk their own road to recovery. He says he may be making less money than he set out to earn, but he's helping more people than he ever thought he could. In addition to mentoring and supporting people with mental illnesses, LeRoy tries to teach the public about mental health issues. He speaks to churches, schools, and practically any group or individual who wants to hear about the <b>bravery of those who battle mental illness. It's easy for LeRoy to talk about bravery, because it's bravery that helps him accept himself, accept his diagnosis, and go forward. </b>"You can't deal with your mental illness until you can agree with yourself that, 'Hey, I have a mental illness so I need to be responsible and take care of it.' " He's brave. He's responsible. He's taken care of it. LeRoy Simmons is a survivor, (pg. 13.)"</blockquote>
I would love feedback from anyone who no longer meets the criteria for BPD regarding how they got recovery and how (if at all) their identify was wrapped up in their diagnosis.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-33766632404462743462012-12-01T19:32:00.001-08:002012-12-04T20:16:04.273-08:00Book Contest Winners!<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: red;">*The e-books were e-mailed out today and the other 2 books were ordered and will arrive shortly*</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
I am happy to announce the winners, whom all have been notified. I received 53 entries and had 12 winners in total- twice as much as November's contest. Some of you entered here and on twitter and a few daily. Below are the winners. If you won Buddha and the Borderline or Gift of Imperfection please e-mail (alicia.paz.ma(at)gmail.com) or DM on twitter your physical address so I can have it shipped to you via Amazon. I will send the e-books and 2 other books out once I get everyone's e-mail and physical addresses- hopefully Monday.) I abbreviated all names listed below for privacy.</div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/259034">Stop Sabotaging: 31 Day DBT Challenge to Change Your Life</a></span></h2>
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<ul>
<li>Stephanie J (Blogger)</li>
<li>Jennifer C (Blogger)</li>
<li>Paul K (Twitter)</li>
<li>Tee B (Twitter/Blogger)</li>
<li>Befuddled N (Twitter)</li>
<li>The Guy... (Twitter)</li>
<li>HeavensP (Blogger)</li>
<li>Rhonda (Blogger)</li>
<li>Cass (Blogger</li>
<li>Dltd (Blogger)</li>
</ul>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Buddha-Borderline-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354418487&sr=8-1&keywords=buddha+and+the+borderline">The Buddha and the Borderli<span style="color: purple;">n</span></a><span style="color: purple;">e</span></span></b></h2>
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<li>MsStitch (Twitter)</li>
</ul>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Gifts-Imperfection-Think-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1354418610&sr=1-1&keywords=gift+of+imperfection">The Gift of Imperfection</a></span></b></h2>
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<ul>
<li>Stephanie E (Twitter/Blogger)</li>
</ul>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-65766635134848140702012-11-21T14:49:00.004-08:002012-11-26T14:02:38.350-08:00November Book Giveaway<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #073763; font-size: large;"><b><u>Update</u>: After seeing all the lovely comment's about Debbie Corso's work I have decided to give away 10 copies of her book instead of 5</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><br /></span>
It was a great success last month, with 5 people winning Debbie Corso's <a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/241263?ref=HealingFromBPD" target="_blank">last book</a> (1 person even paid it forward giving away another 5 copies!) On November 30th her new book <a href="http://www.my-borderline-personality-disorder.com/2012/11/stop-sabotaging-31-day-dbt-challenge-to.html" target="_blank">Stop Sabotaging a 30 Day DBT Challenge to Change Your Life</a> will be available for purchase on Smashwords.<br />
<br />
And I am happy to announce I am the introduction writer!<br />
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Starting on Friday November 23rd at 11:59pm until Friday November 30th at 11:59pm I will be giving away <span style="color: #0c343d;"><b>10</b> </span>copies of Debbie's new book as well as 1 copy of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159285849X/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-3&pf_rd_r=0BKDTPBHRMAE4Y7JCZ32&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938811&pf_rd_i=507846" target="_blank">Brene Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are</a> and the 1 copy of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X" target="_blank">Buddha and The Borderline</a><br />
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<u style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><b>There are 2 ways to win one of *<span style="color: #0c343d;">10*</span> of Debbie Corso's book:</b></u><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">1) Leave a comment here with an e-mail address stating which book your prefer</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">2) Become a fan of </span><a href="https://twitter.com/ApazMA" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-decoration: initial;">my twitter</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"> then tweet: "</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Just entered to win 1 of 10 copies of Stop Sabotaging by Debbie Corso. Follow @APazMA and RT to enter #BPD #DBT"</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><b><u>There are 2 ways to win the other 2 books:</u></b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">1) Leave a comment here with an e-mail address stating which book you prefer. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">2) Become a fan of </span><a href="https://twitter.com/ApazMA" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-decoration: initial;">my twitter</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"> then tweet: "</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Just entered to win 1 of 5 copies of (book title). Follow @APazMA and RT to enter #BPD #DBT"</span></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHDtGNCSiayr0tnxOGeOpoaQwaMtvycVXQurLyHKHU0jZClYkl9fgk5JHepmuu0dnwWYZlOcWcgtW6h64EfnfN_A4EjItgH4Lt6oMCxtzzzqdPqSZEQuky80dTkk3cjdf7dVnAx1ceYqA/s1600/borderline.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black;"></span></a><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHDtGNCSiayr0tnxOGeOpoaQwaMtvycVXQurLyHKHU0jZClYkl9fgk5JHepmuu0dnwWYZlOcWcgtW6h64EfnfN_A4EjItgH4Lt6oMCxtzzzqdPqSZEQuky80dTkk3cjdf7dVnAx1ceYqA/s1600/borderline.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHDtGNCSiayr0tnxOGeOpoaQwaMtvycVXQurLyHKHU0jZClYkl9fgk5JHepmuu0dnwWYZlOcWcgtW6h64EfnfN_A4EjItgH4Lt6oMCxtzzzqdPqSZEQuky80dTkk3cjdf7dVnAx1ceYqA/s200/borderline.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
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<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Rules: After I receive 200 entries or by 11/30/2012 at 11:59pm EST, whichever comes first I will contact the 7 winners and ask for an e-mail address for those on twitter so I can "gift" the Stop Sabotaging e-book to you. I will not use your e-mail address for anything else besides sending the book and an e-mail confirming the book was sent if there are any issues. If I can not get in touch with any winner within a week (and I will try my hardest to do so) I will give the remaining book(s) to another contestant. The winners of the other 3 books will need to send me their physical address to have the book shipped from Amazon via DM on twitter or e-mail. The winners will be selected at random from my blog and twitter. 2 entries per person per day allowed (1 on here and 1 on twitter, so 14 total max.) Failure to comply with rules, such as tweeting your entry more than once a day will make you disqualified. If you have questions </span></span></span><a href="https://twitter.com/ApazMA" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-decoration: initial;">tweet me!</a></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Please play fair as I plan on doing this once a month with different books I purchase. Next month I might give away Linehan's DBT workbook & 3 months of DBT coaching for the holidays....will update!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #707070; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-83585117021072131712012-11-14T15:44:00.000-08:002012-11-14T15:45:37.233-08:00DBT Coaching ChatI have talked for a while about helping those doing self-taught DBT, whom are learning DBT without the benefit of a group or a DBT Counselor. Here are some great <a href="http://aliciapazdbt.blogspot.com/2012/09/dbt-resources.html">resources</a> for those taking this path. I have also started a DBT Chat room so you can ask me questions and they can be answered publicly for others to see. I will answer as soon as I can, but it might take a day to get a response. Feel free to help each other out as well. There is no sign-up, nothing to download and you can remain anonymous!<br />
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http://www.99chats.com/room_333142<br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Disclaimer: I am a licensed Mental Health Counselor in Michigan, specializing in DBT and BPD. This chat is intended to assist those doing self-taught DBT with coaching. I am not able to provide any personal counseling on this site.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">*Please begin any question with "TW" if the content may trigger someone else*</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-43541284721688979032012-11-12T10:04:00.001-08:002012-11-12T10:05:15.395-08:00Dealing with trauma issues with BPDAlthough the DSM IV-r criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder does not include trauma, it is often a common thread in those with the disorder. Often on Twitter I see a tweet started with "TW" (trigger warning) before something that may be triggering, it's a safety boundary for many in the BPD community. In DBT we strictly enforce the rules about saying things that can be triggers, sometimes those who don't have BPD don't realize how harmful what they say can be, sometimes people try to stir up some drama and some are so disconnected from their trauma they don't understand how someone could be hurt by what they are saying. <br />
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<span style="background-color: #f4f7fa; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">Adults with borderline personality disorder (BPD) showed excessive emotional reactions when looking at words with unpleasant meanings compared to healthy people during an emotionally stimulating task, according to NIMH-funded researchers. They also found that people with more severe BPD showed a greater difference in emotional responding compared to people with less severe BPD. The study was published in the August 1, 2007, issue of</span><cite style="background-color: #f4f7fa; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px; margin-top: 0px;">Biological Psychiatry</cite><span style="background-color: #f4f7fa; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">. <a href="http://www.nimh.nih.gov/science-news/2007/unpleasant-words-trigger-strong-startle-response-in-people-with-borderline-personality-disorder.shtml">[source]</a></span></blockquote>
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This week myself and a client came to the conclusion that talking about her trauma only continues to hurt her more than help her. Creating a boundary became necessary since other clients continue to push her to speak about the horrific trauma thinking that like them she needs to "get it out and give it away." In group she ann<span style="font-family: inherit;">ounced this decision and the overall look was puzzled, so we decided to allow questions as this appeared to go against everything they have been taught since being in therapy. The questions were in 3 categories; 1) doesn't keeping it in, keep us sick? 2) How does talking about it make it worse? 3) So what are you going to talk about then? The group decided to respect her boundary, although they were skeptical. I decided to not go into the details of Borderline Personality Disorder since the client had told me she was not comfortable with that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The end question was then <b><span style="color: #20124d;">"Ms. Paz, how is she going to work on her trauma issues without talking about it?"</span> </b> I spoke about working on how the trauma affects you now; relationship issues, boundaries, PTSD symptoms and focusing on coping skills and grounding techniques instead of living in the past. The group was still unsure about this plan as it goes against what they have (thought) they have known for most their life. HEre are some ways to work on your trauma without talking about the trauma <a href="http://www.ualberta.ca/~uasac/Triggers.htm">[source]</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">1. <b>Tell yourself</b> that you are having a flashback </span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">2.<b> Remind yourself that the worst is over.</b> The feelings and sensations you are experiencing are memories of the past. The actual event has already occurred and you survived. Now it is the time to let out the terror, rage, hurt, and/or panic. Now is the time to honor your experience. </span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">3.<b> Get grounded.</b> This means stamping your feet on the ground to remind yourself that you have feet and can get away now if you need to. (There may have been times before when you could not get away, now you can.) Being aware of all five senses can also help you ground yourself. </span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">4. <b>Breathe.</b> When we get scared we stop normal breathing. As a result our body begins to panic from the lack of oxygen. Lack of oxygen in itself causes a great deal of panic feelings; pounding in the head, tightness, sweating, feeling faint, shakiness, and dizziness. When we breathe deeply enough, a lot of the panic feeling can decrease. Breathing deeply means putting your hand on your diaphragm, pushing against your hand, and then exhaling so the diaphragm goes in. </span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">5. <b>Reorient to the present. </b> Begin to use your five senses in the present. Look around and see the colors in the room, the shapes of things, the people near, etc. Listen to the sounds in the room: your breathing, traffic, birds, people, cars, etc. Feel your body and what is touching it: your clothes, your own arms and hands, the chair, or the floor supporting you. </span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">6. <b>Get in touch with your need for boundaries.</b> Sometimes when we are having a flashback we lose the sense of where we leave off and the world begins; as if we do not have skin. Wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a pillow or stuffed animal, go to bed, sit in a closet, any way that you can feel yourself truly protected from the outside. </span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">7. <b>Get support.</b> Depending on your situation you may need to be alone or may want someone near you. In either case it is important that your close ones know about flashbacks so they can help with the process, whether that means letting you be by yourself or being there. </span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">8.<b> Take the time to recover. </b> Sometimes flashbacks are very powerful. Give yourself time to make the transition form this powerful experience. Don't expect yourself to jump into adult activities right away. Take a nap, a warm bath, or some quiet time. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Do not beat yourself up for having a flashback. </span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">9. <b>Honor your experience.</b> Appreciate yourself for having survived that horrible time. Respect your body's need to experience a full range of feelings. </span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">10. <b>Be patient. </b>It takes time to heal the past. It takes time to learn appropriate ways of taking care of yourself, of being an adult who has feelings, and developing effective ways of coping in the here and now.</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Stay safe.</span><br />
APAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-88813101641670035922012-11-10T14:44:00.001-08:002012-11-10T14:45:17.076-08:00Grieving The Death of Your Counselor This week I received an e-mail from my boss stating my co-worker (of a team of 4) passed this week. I was at first dumbfounded and was unable to continue the conversation I was at the time having with one of the inmates. Two hours later we held a "Family Meeting" to announce it to the 95 total clients, and her group of 17 clients. The moment it was announced the room feel apart; women were sobbing and the staff was still in disbelief and shocked. <br />
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I worked as a grief counselor at a hospice about 6 years back in which my primary job duty was to call the next of kin listed and "check in;" how are you eating? sleeping? coping? It was a difficult job at times and at age 20, I often went to the bathroom to cry between calls. In my life I have not experienced loss to the extend that many of my client's have, and I have the coping skills to handle some things the clients/inmates do not. The e-mails began at 4pm on Friday about what to do to provide the client's closure and a place to express their feelings about the grief. They have had 2 process groups since, and have had been talking about it among each other, each client is in their own place with the grief cycle. The ideas have been back and forth including having a memorial ceremony, creating a paper quilt/banner to display at graduation and having them 'bury' goodbye letters to her. <b>I am open to ideas about what we can do in a prison to help these women with the process</b>, as a ex-grief counselor I feel like I "should" know what to do/say to these women and yet with 17 different views, mental illnesses, and past trauma related to loss it is a difficult task to begin unraveling as each person handles grief differently.<br />
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If you are dealing with grief here are some ideas of how to work through it <a href="http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm">[source]</a><br />
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Coping with grief and loss tip 1: Get support</h2>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Mv-0xXhdXYCXy7R_JEXnhS2C-bZdj58KZEDNP-78QW3am4Smv6xEzuvXIJFxDtOlRxIpXdNcsu1ZatGNdSrJ8WzlDJK93iO8DrQFfKbXOEOnMubxWwQedLUjTXXf1JGVXgHp0EOLMYA/s1600/grief-support-groups-300x276.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Mv-0xXhdXYCXy7R_JEXnhS2C-bZdj58KZEDNP-78QW3am4Smv6xEzuvXIJFxDtOlRxIpXdNcsu1ZatGNdSrJ8WzlDJK93iO8DrQFfKbXOEOnMubxWwQedLUjTXXf1JGVXgHp0EOLMYA/s200/grief-support-groups-300x276.jpg" width="200" /></a>The single most important factor in healing from loss is having the support of other people. Even if you aren’t comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it’s important to express them when you’re grieving. Sharing your loss makes the burden of grief easier to carry. Wherever the support comes from, accept it and <strong>do not grieve alone.</strong> Connecting to others will help you heal.</div>
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Finding support after a loss</h3>
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<strong>Turn to friends and family members </strong>– Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Draw loved ones close, rather than avoiding them, and accept the assistance that’s offered. Oftentimes, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need – whether it’s a shoulder to cry on or help with funeral arrangements.</div>
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<strong>Draw comfort from your faith</strong> – If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you – such as praying, meditating, or going to church – can offer solace. If you’re questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.</div>
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<strong>Join a support group</strong> – Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help. To find a bereavement support group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers.</div>
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<strong>Talk to a therapist or grief counselor </strong>– If your grief feels like too much to bear, call a mental health professional with experience in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.</div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3628934760602367620" name="yourself"></a>Coping with grief and loss tip 2: Take care of yourself</h2>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSMHH6GmDuIytxfbR_WhMPw-X3UUhlev0H6nq50YbPzpEPdofmjc9EWaQESaPsisLxqC51UfR56e8n68A6WXPdlEhILhKid1hNp3qwPG3m3jUyLMNHYIf46AAmFStmxTbSwuenEWUiANw/s1600/takecare.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSMHH6GmDuIytxfbR_WhMPw-X3UUhlev0H6nq50YbPzpEPdofmjc9EWaQESaPsisLxqC51UfR56e8n68A6WXPdlEhILhKid1hNp3qwPG3m3jUyLMNHYIf46AAmFStmxTbSwuenEWUiANw/s320/takecare.jpg" width="320" /></a><strong style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Face your feelings. </strong><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">You can try to suppress your grief, but you can’t avoid it forever. In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.</span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">When you’re grieving, it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time.</span></h2>
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<strong>Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way.</strong> Write about your loss in a journal. If you’ve lost a loved one, write a letter saying the things you never got to say; make a scrapbook or photo album celebrating the person’s life; or get involved in a cause or organization that was important to him or her.</div>
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<strong>Look after your physical health</strong>. The mind and body are connected. When you feel good physically, you’ll also feel better emotionally. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising. Don’t use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially.</div>
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<strong>Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either.</strong> Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It’s okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready.</div>
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<strong>Plan ahead for grief “triggers.”</strong> Anniversaries, holidays, and milestones can reawaken memories and feelings. Be prepared for an emotional wallop, and know that it’s completely normal. If you’re sharing a holiday or lifecycle event with other relatives, talk to them ahead of time about their expectations and agree on strategies to honor the person you loved.</div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3628934760602367620" name="away"></a>When grief doesn’t go away</h2>
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It’s normal to feel sad, numb, or angry following a loss. But as time passes, these emotions should become less intense as you accept the loss and start to move forward. If you aren’t feeling better over time, or your grief is getting worse, it may be a sign that your grief has developed into a more serious problem, such as complicated grief or major depression.</div>
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Complicated grief</h3>
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The sadness of losing someone you love never goes away completely, but it shouldn’t remain center stage. If the pain of the loss is so constant and severe that it keeps you from resuming your life, you may be suffering from a condition known as <em>complicated grief</em>. Complicated grief is like being stuck in an intense state of mourning. You may have trouble accepting the death long after it has occurred or be so preoccupied with the person who died that it disrupts your daily routine and undermines your other relationships.</div>
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Symptoms of complicated grief include:</div>
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<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Intense longing and yearning for the deceased</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Intrusive thoughts or images of your loved one</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Denial of the death or sense of disbelief</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Imagining that your loved one is alive</li>
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<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Searching for the person in familiar places</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Avoiding things that remind you of your loved one</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Extreme anger or bitterness over the loss</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Feeling that life is empty or meaningless</li>
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The difference between grief and depression</h3>
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Distinguishing between grief and <a href="http://helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm" style="color: #97350e;" target="_blank">clinical depression</a> isn’t always easy, since they share many symptoms. However, there are ways to tell the difference. Remember, grief can be a roller coaster. It involves a wide variety of emotions and a mix of good and bad days. Even when you’re in the middle of the grieving process, you will have moments of pleasure or happiness. With depression, on the other hand, the feelings of emptiness and despair are constant.</div>
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Other symptoms that suggest depression, not just grief:</div>
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<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Intense, pervasive sense of guilt.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with dying.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness.</li>
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<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Slow speech and body movements</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Inability to function at work, home, and/or school.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there.</li>
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Can antidepressants help grief?</h3>
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As a general rule, normal grief does not warrant the use of antidepressants. While medication may relieve some of the symptoms of grief, it cannot treat the cause, which is the loss itself. Furthermore, by numbing the pain that must be worked through eventually, antidepressants delay the mourning process.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtp9N2Jz8TorwPY8oiHqxSCkYTLcSD5EiNoyuONi8lb9ZhGQOdRAk5VJgNoGBT9gv4GcxxZo_yWRCblJFVLWIXe8-t1dBc-ol4MuT564Mck4YsvP8AlhRd2KS0wxbhn4H933pE9jrW5pk/s1600/Seeking-Outside-Help-550x395.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="141" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtp9N2Jz8TorwPY8oiHqxSCkYTLcSD5EiNoyuONi8lb9ZhGQOdRAk5VJgNoGBT9gv4GcxxZo_yWRCblJFVLWIXe8-t1dBc-ol4MuT564Mck4YsvP8AlhRd2KS0wxbhn4H933pE9jrW5pk/s200/Seeking-Outside-Help-550x395.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3628934760602367620" name="help"></a>When to seek professional help for grief</h2>
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If you recognize any of the above symptoms of complicated grief or clinical depression, talk to a mental health professional right away. Left untreated, complicated grief and depression can lead to significant emotional damage, life-threatening health problems, and even suicide. But treatment can help you get better.</div>
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Contact a grief counselor or professional therapist if you:</div>
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<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Feel like life isn’t worth living</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Wish you had died with your loved one</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Feel numb and disconnected from others for more than a few weeks</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Are having difficulty trusting others since your loss</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Are unable to perform your normal daily activities</li>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-17984142622102280872012-11-07T17:18:00.000-08:002012-11-07T17:21:24.089-08:00Hopelessness and Suicide <span style="font-family: inherit;">At the women's prison I work at they have a new job, essentially life sentenced inmates who have had specialized training are now "observing" other inmates who are in segregation due to suicide (talk of it, paraphernalia or an attempt.) This is a controversial plan; inmates watching other inmates and when necessary calling for an Officer. The inmates who have just started this say more than anything it is boring; lots of downtime, odd shift hours- but they get paid for it and these are "mentors," in our program. I spent part of this week talking to one of these inmates about her shift last night which began at 2am and she told me about the training and what she had learned about suicidal risk factors. She did not mention the #1 risk factor for suicide, which is hard to </span>assess<span style="font-family: inherit;"> as an observer- </span><b style="font-family: inherit;">hopelessness.</b><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bridge_(2006_film)">this</a> amazing documentary interviewing people who jumped</td></tr>
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<b style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Hopelessness </span></b><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">is </span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">the despair you feel when you have abandoned hope of comfort
or success. I often refer to hopelessness of being in a black box and
being able to see a way out. Hopelessness is the #1 </span></span><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">indicator</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> of
suicide; more than age, gender or even past attempts. When someone does
not see a way out, or things improving they are more likely to hurt themselves.</span></span></span></div>
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<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Beck Hopelessness Scale is a 20-item self-report inventory developed by Dr. Aaron Beck. It is designed to measure three major aspects of hopelessness: feelings about the future, loss of motivation, and expectations. The test is designed for adults aged 17 – 80.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Individuals completing the scale are asked to answer the questionnaire based on their attitudes during the preceding week. It may be administered in written or oral form, and each item is scored with a true/false. Total scores range from 0-20 with higher scores indicating a greater degree of hopelessness.</span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Beck’s cognitive model of depression focuses on a “cognitive triad” which includes negative thoughts about self, the world/environment, and the future. Hopelessness is the experience of despair or extreme pessimism about the future. As such, hopelessness is part of the “cognitive triad” of depression, but it also plays an important role in predicting suicide. <a href="http://suite101.com/article/hopelessness-predicts-suicide-a91880">[source]</a></span></blockquote>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWoA-ZvyGQZbGa5YFdAEaQx-yniPx1jjhIcTsASaakk3IjmZPFxyJWEk4tAxZyzF3V2bJr5YjEuOnlyJTEAvW0UMbLv2MYECZuS4CJXF7iDoI9jpxh6kqsdcYwzXYI5kBM5CMJ53P29Nk/s1600/suicide-prevention-logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWoA-ZvyGQZbGa5YFdAEaQx-yniPx1jjhIcTsASaakk3IjmZPFxyJWEk4tAxZyzF3V2bJr5YjEuOnlyJTEAvW0UMbLv2MYECZuS4CJXF7iDoI9jpxh6kqsdcYwzXYI5kBM5CMJ53P29Nk/s1600/suicide-prevention-logo.jpg" width="166" /></a>Although I typically advise against taking any online quizzes to determine any mental health diagnosis, there is a copy of the "test" <a href="http://www.scribd.com/doc/110321326/Beck-Hopelessness-Scale">here</a> if you are interested to see where you might be at this moment on the scale. I would advise that if you feel you are at risk for hurting yourself you immediately call your local crisis line or go to the hospital to keep yourself safe.<br />
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I always tell client's who are suicidal, that by taking their own life they won't ever know if it gets better; their mood improves naturally, situation at home/relationship change or if new medications will hit the market. <b>They will never know what their life is going to be like in 2 or 20 years, if they end it right now.</b><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-28503380275288214102012-11-06T12:49:00.002-08:002012-11-07T17:18:31.000-08:00DBT Handouts<div style="text-align: center;">
Just a fast update, I am working on creating pdf handouts of all DBT skills and setting up a separate website just for that. It is a lot of work and will update when it is complete. I also had a great friend create a logo for me and have begun doing some advertising. </div>
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I will also be giving away more DBT and/or BPD books the week of Nov 11-17th</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-4454277688807767912012-11-04T16:14:00.000-08:002012-11-04T16:15:23.323-08:00Borderline Personality Disorder and Hallucinations<span style="font-family: inherit;">I often (maybe too often) talk about the misdiagnosis of those with BPD and along with many other diagnosis I find those with BPD have been diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder due to the hallucinations. Part of this I believe is also the disassociation those with Borderline Personality Disorder deal with from past trauma. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">The term Borderline came from the original belief tha</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">t those with BPD were on the border between psychosis and neurosis. Although this is no longer the belief, some still suffer with the psychosis elements. </span><br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/Yee%20L,%20Korner%20AJ,%20McSwiggan%20S,%20Meares%20RA,%20Stevenson%20J.%20Persistent%20hallucinosis%20in%20borderline%20personality%20disorder.%20Compr%20Psychiatry.%202005;46:147%E2%80%9354" style="line-height: 21px;">[source]</a> <span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 21px;">A study of 171 Borderline personality disorder (BPD) patients revealed that 29.2% reported hallucinations. Most patients expressed that the hallucinations were distressing, occurred with great frequency over prolonged periods, took control of actions or behavior (especially, self-harming behavior) and had a critical quality. Although the majority of hallucinations were auditory, visual and olfactory hallucinations were also reported.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKQHA-vNDGXpJBKQmqAKVBei6mSBh21rO_66OXHEcDGRL2_ltX_UXwAk363_AdlQgKN4Os8twa11eohTY_nxeh1ccGvwyVC4lyk7IZJWQYBICyErew4NHz_0BKyME0DrcXSeZlDm5YiQ0/s1600/SchizAudHallucination.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKQHA-vNDGXpJBKQmqAKVBei6mSBh21rO_66OXHEcDGRL2_ltX_UXwAk363_AdlQgKN4Os8twa11eohTY_nxeh1ccGvwyVC4lyk7IZJWQYBICyErew4NHz_0BKyME0DrcXSeZlDm5YiQ0/s320/SchizAudHallucination.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Hallucinations: Coping Strategies</strong> <a href="http://www.everydayhealth.com/schizophrenia/hallucinations-and-delusions.aspx">[source]</a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When voices are distressing, some patients may self-adjust their prescription medications or use drugs or alcohol to minimize the hallucinations. But there are better ways to deal with this issue.</span><br />
<ul style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 20px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="background-attachment: scroll; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://images.agoramedia.com/everydayhealth/css/bullet_green.gif); background-position: 0px 0.7em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px 0px 10px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Fighting back. </strong>This technique involves yelling or talking back to the hallucinations. While resisting the voices may seem like a good idea, studies show that the "fight or flight" response can lead to depression, since the voices typically don't go away on their own.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 20px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="background-attachment: scroll; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://images.agoramedia.com/everydayhealth/css/bullet_green.gif); background-position: 0px 0.7em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px 0px 10px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Passive acceptance. </strong>Although accepting that the voices are part of life for a person with schizophrenia seems to have more positive emotional effects, some argue that the danger of acceptance is that the hallucinations may start to consume your life.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 20px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="background-attachment: scroll; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://images.agoramedia.com/everydayhealth/css/bullet_green.gif); background-position: 0px 0.7em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px 0px 10px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Mindfulness techniques. </strong>In a trial of a therapy called Acceptance and Commitment, participants significantly reduced the effects of their symptoms, and had slightly fewer re-hospitalizations, than a control group using traditional therapy. With this philosophy, the patient agrees to acknowledge the voices but does not agree to accept guidance from them.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">For coping with delusions, not all strategies work for every person, and many people report using more than one strategy.</span><br />
<ul style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 20px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="background-attachment: scroll; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://images.agoramedia.com/everydayhealth/css/bullet_green.gif); background-position: 0px 0.7em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px 0px 10px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Distraction. </strong>Focusing on a task, reciting numbers, taking a nap, or watching television can help distract the person from delusional, often paranoid, thoughts. A recent study showed that the choice of distraction is important. Researchers found that choosing favorite music or a news program was a more effective distraction tool than white noise. The study also reported that a personal music player with headphones might be the best way to listen to music when trying to ignore delusions. Headphones minimize other distractions, and people who used them tended to stick with this technique even after the study was completed.</span></li>
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<ul style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 20px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="background-attachment: scroll; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://images.agoramedia.com/everydayhealth/css/bullet_green.gif); background-position: 0px 0.7em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px 0px 10px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Asking for help. </strong>Some people with schizophrenia seek out the company of friends and family when they are experiencing delusions. Friends and family can help by providing a distracting activity, or even just a listening ear.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 20px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="background-attachment: scroll; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://images.agoramedia.com/everydayhealth/css/bullet_green.gif); background-position: 0px 0.7em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px 0px 10px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Religion and meditative activities. </strong>People who are religious believers report using prayer or meditation to help deal with their active schizophrenia symptoms. <a href="http://www.everydayhealth.com/alternative-health/mind-body-connection/yoga-for-health.aspx" style="font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none;">Yoga</a>, exercise, or walking can also shift the focus from the delusions and provide a sense of calm.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 20px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="background-attachment: scroll; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://images.agoramedia.com/everydayhealth/css/bullet_green.gif); background-position: 0px 0.7em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px 0px 10px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Be selective. </strong>Some voices are positive and some voices are negative. An organization called Hearing Voices takes an interesting approach: The voices may not be physical beings, but they should still treat you with the respect that you expect from other people. This group recommends engaging with the voices, but politely. The patient should ask the voices to make an appointment, or tell the negative voices that they are not welcome until they have useful information.</span></li>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-17894959709358519932012-10-29T17:37:00.000-07:002012-10-29T17:38:10.438-07:00Is Mental Illness a Lack of Healthy Coping Skills?<br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-color: white;">I few months back I was at a 4-day training to
learn about a new group to work with the women in prison whom have
violent pasts. One of the members of the training introduced herself on
day 1 to our table, she owned a residential drug and alcohol treatment center
and had been using the new program at her site. On the 4th day we had to
do an exercise where we talked about something important to us to another
member of our group. She told me she did not believe in mental illness,
thought the DSM IV-r should be "thrown out" and that all disorders
were from a lack of coping skills. I was dumbfounded, but she continued
to explain using this analogy;<b><i> someone whom is neglected as a child is going to
need to find a different way to get their needs meet. At age 2 that means
having tantrums, crying excessively and being loud to get mom or dad's
attention. Age 6 may be ongoing conflict with other students to get
teachers attention, age 10 bullying other students, being suspended in order to
get attention and power, age 15 acting promiscuously to gain male/female
attention and at 19 they will continue aggressive behaviors, possibly use
substances and have abusive relationships. At the time I thought this woman
was way off base, how can mental illness be from a lack of coping skills?</i></b></span><b><i><br /></i></b>
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<span style="background-color: white;">It has been 2 months and although I believe in
mental illness, chemical imbalances and medication, I can see how especially with those with
personality disorders how this algorithm works:</span><br />
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<b><span style="background-color: white;">Invalidating Environment+Trauma+Lack of Coping
Skills= Personality Disorder</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">I often talk on here and on Twitter about how many
women are misdiagnosed have trauma and/or anger issues, instead
of BPD. Someone on Twitter told me last week she was diagnosed with
Bipolar, Schizoaffective disorder and attended anger management classes for
years and was medicated for such and just found out her "only"
diagnosis was Borderline Personality Disorder.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">As someone without a mental illness, it is
difficult for me to fully comprehend what the experience of having one is like.
I grew up in a mostly validating environment, the trauma I did experience
was immediately remedied (due to the validating environment) and I was taught
coping skills. I can remember having anxiety and trouble sleeping as a
adolescent and my mom teaching me mindfulness techniques, validating my
feelings, normalizing the stress of that age and giving me tapes she has bought
to help, while my dad made me chamomile tea and listened to my woes.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">More than any other post I would really like
feedback from the Borderline Personality Disorder Community about how accurate
this "formula" sounds to your life experiences.</span></span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3628934760602367620.post-86875300168741164462012-10-25T18:37:00.000-07:002012-10-25T18:37:17.525-07:00Boundary GardenThose with Borderline Personality Disorder struggle with healthy boundary setting. From my perspective this is part of their black/white, all/nothing thinking. Sometimes it's obvious when someone has poor boundaries. The story I always tell to describe what poor, or low boundaries look like is this personal one from when I was 15 years old. I had just walked off the city bus to walk to go home, as did another classmate I had not seen before. It was the first week in school, so I guessed she might be new. I began talking to her, figuring if nothing else it would give me someone to walk home from school with. Our walk and only conversation lasted 8 minutes and in it she told me her mother had killed herself, she was now living with her father, he didn't know how to cook, was "icked" out buying her tampons, she had an array of mental health issues, told me what medications she was on and showed me scars from when she tried killing herself a few months back. My radar went into the red danger zone and I immediately knew this was not someone I would want to be friends with, even if it was 16 minutes a day round trip. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4ZrNsmj98sZMxR0pIjNSn5BSM0YYseqt2wv5IXufVlzZhcqyERi90XgFTo0xvEfIOzRoVvd1jGJG06VyPda2-9brt3iO0EEsBd1FJt3LGG3r8NOVmRPXLaPXhLbcY62lVlfR33KHDYEc/s1600/personal-boundaries.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4ZrNsmj98sZMxR0pIjNSn5BSM0YYseqt2wv5IXufVlzZhcqyERi90XgFTo0xvEfIOzRoVvd1jGJG06VyPda2-9brt3iO0EEsBd1FJt3LGG3r8NOVmRPXLaPXhLbcY62lVlfR33KHDYEc/s320/personal-boundaries.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Those with all/nothing thinking struggle with making, having and often keeping friends for this primary reason; <b>"they are either my all-time best friend or my worst enemy." </b> This was a quote from a client, whom I didn't at the time know much about BPD to diagnosis. I have my clients create boundary gardens to illustrate this point and have a visual for where their friends lay. Below is the outline of the garden I have them fill in.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWKTnW3PiDxuT_13QcqEDAWBldypOh6FkTZ8M_MFAL9mMHsDxPfs_PnSQVIvqv5pmamm1hXEGRWktC6OrHVXkOvtZ7crI0JQt19A8tE0JndUdN-MfnY7P_o_0WR_1gOT4mtQtVOl2tHhQ/s1600/boundarygarden.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWKTnW3PiDxuT_13QcqEDAWBldypOh6FkTZ8M_MFAL9mMHsDxPfs_PnSQVIvqv5pmamm1hXEGRWktC6OrHVXkOvtZ7crI0JQt19A8tE0JndUdN-MfnY7P_o_0WR_1gOT4mtQtVOl2tHhQ/s640/boundarygarden.gif" width="640" /></a></div>
Here is an example of one filled in for someone who has low boundaries,<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFPKbRIM4zzArCPWaWA-zFRCfuIGq63LYVf2HA38VRl1A0spaEvvFzgyipqslvYut2ufC3_rch9ckjvNJn1Zj0qAbZ17eh2tPnMdqY_WE4RYtoVOtM7OLZOmAUbLRi9v8cvsZWsKROtsI/s1600/boundarygarden2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFPKbRIM4zzArCPWaWA-zFRCfuIGq63LYVf2HA38VRl1A0spaEvvFzgyipqslvYut2ufC3_rch9ckjvNJn1Zj0qAbZ17eh2tPnMdqY_WE4RYtoVOtM7OLZOmAUbLRi9v8cvsZWsKROtsI/s640/boundarygarden2.gif" width="640" /></a></div>
After I have the clients fill in the garden I ask a few questions; which section has the most people in it? Why are people in old brush and not out of the garden? Is there anyone who has been moved towards the old brush or into roses since starting therapy/group/recovery? It's a great starting point for creating and enforcing boundaries. I also have the clients put lines where they would like to move people, for example, "my step mom and I have had a better relationship the last few years since she stopped drinking, so maybe it's time to have her as a violet," or "My brother is a close friend now, but I think he has been stealing money from my purse, so maybe we need more distance and he needs to be moved to Geraniums."<br />
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It doesn't solve their boundary issues, but it gives them a starting point and a nice visual to begin working on.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499519894400678428noreply@blogger.com0