The Bad:
- As a Counselor on twitter, it's hard to continue to be engaged. I often felt like I worked 8 hours then came home and kept working on twitter; interacting and (hopefully) helping with people with mental illness.
- My passion for helping people became overwhelming and I was staying up late to finish a conversation, complete a blog post of think about someone on twitter.
- The (TW) ongoing suicide, self harm or pro-eating disorder posts; as a Counselor in person if someone is going to hurt themselves there are things I can do and feel powerful and in control. On twitter, especially with the high rates of those with BPD and self-harm/suicide I feel hopeless and ignoring certain people or posts was still not preventing me from sleepless nights or thinking I should have done something to help at 2am.
- My 9-5 job is very, very stressful. If you are unaware I work as a Dual Diagnosis Counselor in a Women's Prison. Until this evening at 8pm, I was 6 months behind on filing- now I am 2. 40 hours a week doesn't cover the workload and I mostly refuse to stay much later for my own sanity leaving me with heaps of work that sits, stresses me out then gets noticed by the boss.
- I have "too much compassion," this might sound weird, but I begin feeling too much for people (maybe the honest words is co-dependent) and I was struggling with drawing a boundary.
- Having boundaries is difficult online for me, and I found myself not being able to say no to the many requests for help.
- Essentially I was not going a good job of self-care and didn't feel like I was ever "off the clock."
Moving Forward:
- Although I will be back on twitter, I am going to set some self-limits on how often I am on. Checking twitter while I do my 9-5 is no longer going to happen. Just morning, evening and maybe a check in during lunch.
- I will continue with the contests (I really enjoy it) but need to figure out some online format that is simple for me to track. I will not be mailing books out, as that turned out to be more expensive than I presumed as well as it taking 4 weeks. The last contest probably took 6 hours to tally, choose, order, mail, track and in one case even re-order.
- I plan on continuing to respond to DM's from those I know, or answering brief questions, I am no longer responding to people in crisis- but refer elsewhere for their help.
- If anyone posts about suicide or anything I feel I can not handle, I will *edit* Report to Twitter to follow and possibly re-tweet for others to help, but not give support myself and not engage in any "therapy-like" behavior. If the same person has ongoing SI or ED chat, or continues to post pictures I will "block" them for my own safety.
- I will continue the BPD Interviews, but only set-up one a week. If it takes 6 months to get them all done, so be it.
- I will be in bed by 10pm if I have work early the next morning, midnight if I do not.
- I will drink 6-8 glasses of water and weekly Vitamin D supplements.
- I will eat better, consume less caffeine and spend more time playing with the dog than hitting refresh.
- I will stop from extending myself too far and pull away before I feel overwhelmed.
- If I need to take a break, I will not beat myself up or feel like I let anyone down.
- I will read a book every 2 weeks to once a month. These books will not ALL be mental health or addiction literature.
- I will be more gentle with myself.
- I will remind myself that I am not a masterpiece, but a work in progress.
